This story is about clothes Chris, but it goes much deeper so you may want to stick around.
I may have told you this before. Once you buy something like Nikes, you never go back to Payless. I remember my first pair of Nikes. Cindy bought them for me in Park City. They were all white except for the blue swoosh on the sides. I was amazed at how comfortable and let's be honest- how stylish they were! ;)
In her early 20's, unable to buy anything more than the basics for herself, my mother was taken to a department store by her sister Linda. Linda let my mom pick out whatever she wanted. When you can afford to do that for someone else, I think you gain more pleasure out of it than the person on the receiving end. This is one of the reasons I want to be wealthy. I want to help people with my money. But that is not where I am going with this story.
When I was say, 8? my auntie Linda did the same thing for Liisa and me. She took us to Nordstrom and told us to pick out 5 outfits each. I wasn't thinking about cost then, but I knew what she was doing was out of the ordinary. More than anything, I loved spending that time with her and my sister.
Last week, I took Serra out shopping for school clothes and it's her 16th birthday coming up soon. I've gotten her a few gifts already, but if it's one thing I feel strongly about- it's clothing. There is something powerful walking into school on the first day wearing a new outfit that was chosen just for you. I don't think I am setting Serra up for her future by buying her clothes. I give her something much more meaningful than shopping trips- I give her me.
It does not matter your economic status for we all have an equal amount of time in a day, 24 hours. We all choose to spend our time if different ways. Some squander their time here, others cherish every single precious moment they have.
My greatest gift I can give you is not my money, but it is my time. For if I give you my time, you shall then know that that is when I truly love you.
I just want you to know I have been thinking about you Auntie. You are one of the greatest woman I know. I only have fond memories of you and it is because of your direct influence that I am a successful woman today. I love you Auntie Linda!
Amy xoxo
Sunday, July 29, 2012
Wednesday, July 11, 2012
He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named journal part three
Wednesday, September 16th, 2009
He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named,
Today was the first day in two days it was sunny. I woke up and it was a beautiful day. I went to the temple in SLC. Satan had plans for me today. There were a lot of roadblocks in my way which were preventing me from attending the temple. Just so you know there are good things I like about you- you spell very well. My anger towards you has subsided a bit. It's good to see you making progress. I have been making some as well. I feel like I have a lot to say tonight as well but all of my thoughts are random jumbles. Let me say this- I don't trust you. Bottom line, the thought of being alone with you is scary because I don't know if you will hurt me or not. That is not a healthy relationship. I have held out hope for you and I feel like that is why I have stayed with you for so long. I have faith anyone can change- I just don't know if I can wait for you. One side of me says- Eternity... I will wait for you forever- my husband is worth it. Another side says no, I'm sorry- you already had your chances and you blew it with me. I don't regret marrying you. So far I have learned a great deal about myself. I know what I am capable of. I am a lot stronger now than at the beginning of our relationship. Good and bad. I hate crying in front of you because you have made fun of me for doing so before. That will probably never change. And because of that- I have a wall built up between us. I will never be willing to break that wall down. This is just a sliver of the damage you have done. This is the price. In a way, you have directly created who I am today. I am not damaged beyond the point of repairs, but I am not whole. That is sad. I was given to you- call me a present. But you abused me and took me for granted. You don't know how much pain you have caused me. I am not prefect by any means- but I certainly haven't come close to affecting you nearly as negatively as you have to me. That is sad. We are not equals. It's going to take a while to be with you if that's what is going to happen and I don't know if I'm willing to follow you on that journey.
Amy
He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named,
Today was the first day in two days it was sunny. I woke up and it was a beautiful day. I went to the temple in SLC. Satan had plans for me today. There were a lot of roadblocks in my way which were preventing me from attending the temple. Just so you know there are good things I like about you- you spell very well. My anger towards you has subsided a bit. It's good to see you making progress. I have been making some as well. I feel like I have a lot to say tonight as well but all of my thoughts are random jumbles. Let me say this- I don't trust you. Bottom line, the thought of being alone with you is scary because I don't know if you will hurt me or not. That is not a healthy relationship. I have held out hope for you and I feel like that is why I have stayed with you for so long. I have faith anyone can change- I just don't know if I can wait for you. One side of me says- Eternity... I will wait for you forever- my husband is worth it. Another side says no, I'm sorry- you already had your chances and you blew it with me. I don't regret marrying you. So far I have learned a great deal about myself. I know what I am capable of. I am a lot stronger now than at the beginning of our relationship. Good and bad. I hate crying in front of you because you have made fun of me for doing so before. That will probably never change. And because of that- I have a wall built up between us. I will never be willing to break that wall down. This is just a sliver of the damage you have done. This is the price. In a way, you have directly created who I am today. I am not damaged beyond the point of repairs, but I am not whole. That is sad. I was given to you- call me a present. But you abused me and took me for granted. You don't know how much pain you have caused me. I am not prefect by any means- but I certainly haven't come close to affecting you nearly as negatively as you have to me. That is sad. We are not equals. It's going to take a while to be with you if that's what is going to happen and I don't know if I'm willing to follow you on that journey.
Amy
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