Be Brave She Said

Naivety. Indulgence in thoughts that he would come for me. It didn't matter who I was with, he would be the one to pull me away. He always had that affect on me. For years the thought of what we could be because we never truly were, haunted me. I wanted our constantly diverging paths to become one. Our itineraries would sometimes include the same destinations yet in those moments I never felt more distance between us. What created this gap? Certainly it was my ignorance which perpetuated it. Letters written but never sent, phone numbers dialed but never followed by the complete call button. Cowardly nonactions allowing my life to be acted upon.
On Sunday, I spoke with Nancy Gleue for those of you who know her. Bravery was the topic. She is half a century now and said that is one piece of advice she would recommend to us younger ones- be brave.
Taking risks relies heavily on the release of fear. I used to take many risks, just not in productive ways. My productivity has gone up in the past couple of years. I no longer run in circles afraid of the unknown. There is fear in letting go. Sometimes the braver option is to relinquish. That action used to make me feel anxious and even like I was doing something wrong. But the truth is, I moved on a long time ago. It may have taken some time to recognize the shift, but I arrived at one of the correct conclusions. There were many paths I could have chosen and the one I chose wasn't him.  I decided to save myself and stop waiting. I decided to stop delaying my happiness based on past memories. I live in the now.
Amy xoxo
"Destiny is not a matter of chance; it is a matter of choice. It is not a thing to be waited for, it is a thing to be achieved.” ― William Jennings Bryan

Peaceful Hand

March 2011
"I know that for me, Adam brings me a sense of peace..."
This Sunday, Adam and I drove by the Iceburg in South Salt Lake. He said, do you remember  last time we were here? We sat in the parking lot talking about our relationship. I asked if you had to describe our relationship in one word what would you say? You answered peaceful.
I am grateful for the peace and the assurance that I will receive that peace in my life daily. There have been times I wasn't sure I would wake up to see the next day. Chaotic.
I specifically remember my Father saying to me beginning of 2010, watch the hand of the Lord withdraw from you as you make decisions which are contrary to his plan.
I don't worry about the Lord's hand withdrawing from my life anymore. It is my daily choice to hold it which strengthens and enables me.

Amy xoxo