Everyone exhibits strength in different ways. It's not fair to compare yourself to others because of this fact (and many more).
Last week I struggled a bit and within that realization that I didn't want to keep feeling like the runt of the litter, I took charge and started focusing on me more. This morning I woke up early and did my make-up, hair, etc. I've noticed when I feel good on the outside, feeling good on the inside comes a bit easier. Taking that extra step this morning combined with a healthy breakfast- well I was on top of it!
Once I arrived at work, I noticed something awful, something I haven't seen in a long time- egg on my car. Without question I knew, my crazy neighbor is at it again. This being the fifth time something of this nature has happened to my car, I felt extremely irritated and upset. Why would someone go to such lengths repeatedly? My first and most horrible thought was to dump a whole bucket of eggs on her car and leave a nasty note saying something like, DON'T MESS WITH ME. Immediately I felt guilt for having such awful thoughts. The distinct impression came upon my mind saying, Fill the world with more love instead of more hate. Most, not all anger towards this woman vanished with that thought. As I stroked this new mantra more, I came to the conclusion that anyone willing to go this far must have a terrible, sad and lonely life. Egging and damaging someone's car multiple times screams sadness and desperation. I HEAR YOU. She probably needs a friend. Living in her skin is probably some kind of hell on its own (I have spoken to this woman before and she seems troubled and unstable).
Being alone while Adam is away doesn't mean being lonely. I am my own best friend. I am kind, I am gentle but direct, I am helpful and willing, and I can control myself and that is dependability! What an awesome best friend!!
If you do not like yourself, change one thing. If you do not like 10 things about yourself, change one thing. That is where true success lies, in the power of change. We do not always climb mountains, sometimes we take steps, jump through hoops and over pebbles.
The secret to paving a road leading to a successful divorce is being unwilling to change. Welcome to absolute destruction. Do not let yourself be a part of any problem. Be the light, the hope, the reason someone else wants to change for good. Sometimes, most of the time, always- it is good for us to focus on ourselves so that we can first be strong for ourselves and second, be strong for others.
One of the best reasons for living in Salt Lake is having the opportunity to visit extended family. I was able to visit the hospital of mine and my sister's birth. My cousin and his beautiful wife were blessed with a third little girl early this week. The hospital they were at is literally across the street from where I live so how could I not take them up on their mass Facebook invitation and surprise them with a visit?
Our family used to be so close- we were always taking trips to our Grandparent's house in St. George for Thanksgiving and Christmas to be together. As an adult, I have allowed myself to become more closed off to my extended family. There are people within my family I think about every week, people who (am I supposed to use whom here, I will never know so please don't be mad) I have a special connection with, and it's shameful to me that I haven't kept in better contact. This is one of the reasons I keep a profile through Facebook. Thank goodness for Facebook tonight because I was able to see a precious newborn soul.
This sadly comes with the news earlier in the week of a co-worker's sudden passing. And tonight I was made aware that my Grandmother's life balances delicately in God's hands.
I know there is a Heavenly Father and without his hand in my life, I have nothing. I am because of my creator and what I do is my choice. I am grateful to have learning experiences such as today to strengthen me as a woman. To me, being a lone wolf means finding my way through the darkness, clearing my own path, and coming out victorious. Victorious for winning bounties of my own.
Amy xoxo
"Breathe Me" by Sia
Help, I have done it again
I have been here many times before
Hurt myself again today
And the worst part is there's no one else to blame
Be my friend
Hold me,
wrap me up
Unfold me
I am small and needy
Warm me up
And breathe me
Ouch I have lost myself again
Lost myself and I am nowhere to be found,
Yeah I think that I might break
I've lost myself again and I feel unsafe
Be my friend
Hold me,
wrap me up
Unfold me
I am small and needy
Warm me up
And breathe me
Be my friend
Hold me,
wrap me up
Unfold me
I am small and needy
Warm me up
And breathe me
Sia also wrote a little song called "Diamonds" by Rhianna HERE among many other fab songs.
Mind blown.
You're welcome.
Basically, if you don't know Sia, look her up. Great Gatsby Soundtrack. Need I say more?
