The Swan

It's weird to think that I have been divorced for 2 years today. It's also weird to think that I would have been packing for Florida today... for my honeymoon... with Adam. We were planning on going to Disney World this weekend for a week. We had this amazing room booked on site for $89 a night! But guess what? Plans change and that's not to say that haven't changed to something better! I cannot look back, I can only move beyond myself and my negative circumstances and become something greater than what I thought possible. With pain comes pleasure. We have to know the bitter to know the sweet. I know the bitter, but I choose to see the sweet.

Amy xoxo

"The Sweetest Thing"

by Camera Obscura

I'm going on a date tonight
To try to fall out of love with you
I know, I know this is a crime
But I don't know what else to do

My love you're in a magazine
My love you're doing fine you're on tv
You wore my heart out then you ran away
From Chicago to Cleveland you made me pay
you made me pay

When you're lucid you're the sweetest thing
I would trade my mother to hear you sing
When you're lucid you're the sweetest thing
I would trade my mother

On the bus radio
50 ways to leave your lover oh no
I laughed at the irony
but like the stupid the irony got lost on me
Got lost on me

When you're lucid you're the sweetest thing
I would trade my mother to hear you sing
When you're lucid you're the sweetest thing
I would trade my mother

You challenged me to write a love song
Here it is I think I got it wrong
I focused on the negative
The pain was too much of an incentive
Always my incentive

When you're lucid you're the sweetest thing
I would trade my mother to hear you sing
When you're lucid you're the sweetest thing
I would trade my mother (x2)

Oh but she don't know just how far I'd go
Would I walk for a hundred miles
For a glimpse of your northern smile?

For Katherine

After work, we had our company party for H&H. It was nothing short of expectations from the other girls who had been before. After going around the circle and telling each other one interesting fact about ourselves (my fact was I have been divorced for 2 years and I joined roller derby to combat my aggression from the trauma) we then had a delicious dinner! Everything we ate was perfect. I could describe everything we ate but that's wouldn't be fair to you :) After dinner we played Bingo- but it wasn't a game for friends. People stole gifts and crushed dreams. I actually went home with 2 gifts and some girls took home NADA. I got 2 sparkly nail polishes (which is awesome because I LOVE painting my nails) and then I got a $25 gift card to iTunes. Why did no one steal from me? Because I was quiet. I've been learning how to keep my head down and do my work with relatively no fuss. That's how I will get ahead in this job. Adam taught me that. Be myself, but don't create more work for others- learn to be of help. So in the spirit of that work attitude, I was quiet at this party and it paid off in the form of 2 gifts. But that is only my opinion. Once the party was wrapping up, Kylie, a girl who works in the Bountiful store told me she really wanted my iTunes gift card. She had a mascara eye set from Lancome and asked me if I would consider trading. It wouldn't have crossed my mind before but the trade would make Kylie happy and I was happy just to receive new nail polish... so we traded. I went home happy and so did Kylie. Like I said, I am learning how to help people. We can all be happy together.

Amy xoxo

"Gimme Sympathy"

by Metric

Get Hot
Get too close to the flame
Wild open space
Talk like an open book
Sign me up

Got no time to take a picture
I'll remember someday
All the chances we took
We're so close to something
Better left unknown
I can feel it in my bones

Gimme Sympathy
After all of this is gone
Who would you rather be
The Beatles or The Rolling Stones
Seriously, you're gonna make mistakes,
You're young
Come on baby play me something like
Here comes the sun

Don't go
Stay with the all unknown
Stay away from the hooks
All the chances we took
We're so close to something
Better left unknown
I can feel it in my bones

Gimme Sympathy

She is mine

I plan a lot on days like this. Sometimes I feel like I can conquer all when in reality, sadly, I cannot. But today, I DID.

I went to work and left asap, about an hour after we closed which is not bad. After, I snuck into dc, Diner's Club, which is a group of friends who get together for dinner once a week at a restaurant. I met them through Adam last January and he's my link into this spectrum of friends. We went to Nacho's Libre. Their chips are my favorite! I usually get the quesadilla when I go to a Mexican food restaurant. Am I loco? Possibly.

After dinner, I had to ditch dessert for the bowling alley. All of my favorite people were there- Jon Bon with his gf, Kristen, Dave, Bob and my new friend Alex. Each game gave me a score around 100- not super bad but certainly not great. I had a great time though! I usually like getting together with my friends and bowling is always an added bonus.

Amy xoxo

"Gulag Orkestar"

by Beirut

They call it night,
they call it night
and I call it mine.

Calm before

I had the day off of my H&H boutique job- insert my 2 other jobs here. Michelle cancelled her doctor's appointment for today so I didn't have to drive her- 1 job down. I went to Wal-Mart today. You wouldn't expect 1pm on a Tuesday at Wal-Mart to be crowded, but it was. Welcome Holidays. Luckily I was able to get in and out with relatively low anxiety. I did have to go home and wash my hands thoroughly though. But I was able to get some SWEET gifts there and I am glad I can cross them off of my list. Lesson learned today, no Wal-Mart after Black Friday.

Amy xoxo

"Organized Scenery"

by Au Revoir Simone

Trees grew leaves in the weeks, I was gone
No response when the neighbors came to call
And you wouldn't want it any other way
We know, everything changed

Sometimes summer wears away
When we want to see the sky
If you look down
You'll see, you'll find
In the warmth of the winter we cried out
Take what's left of your time and decide
And you wouldn't look beyond the other way
We know, everything changed

Remember ah-ah
Remember ah-ah

See how we watch the world go by when we wonder
We even let all our plants die, don't think about them
Oh seeking can be so time consuming

Remember ah-ah
Remember ah-ah

Trees grew leaves in the weeks, I was gone
Hands turn keys to the locks in the door
And we wouldn't want it any other way
We know, everything changed

5

What have you been a collector of? A lady came into the store today and said her gf collects the number 5. I want to collect something! ;) My favorite numbers have always been 24 (my birthday) and 7 (my lucky number). I am not saying I have to collect numbers because let's face it- collecting is sort of a waste. I remember when I used to collect key chains and candles. I had this tall, brown IBC Root Beer bottle and I would let the neon wax of these tall candles drip down the sides to create neat patterns- they were glow in the dark too. I loved glow in the dark things. I also had glow in the dark stars all over my ceiling too. My mom and dad were so cool- they always supported my creativity.

I worked until 6 and then headed to help Adam out with my amazing car. Can your car haul an 8x10 rug? Probably NOT! One of my favorite fast food restaurants is Chick-fil-A. Here is out assortment of sauces- I like how Adam called it a sauce buffet.

Amy xoxo

"My Love"

The Bird and The Bee
My love let me go again
Right back, back to the top of the
Slide down, sad clown
Oh oh oh oh oh

My clown, let me love you
What's that
Back to the back of the rebound
Clown, hang around
Oh oh oh oh

Hey, boy, won't you take me out tonight?
I'm not afraid of all the reasons why we shouldn't try

Hey, boy, won't you make me out tonight?
I get excited when I think of climbing into your arms

Oh oh oh oh oh
Oh oh oh oh oh
Oh oh oh oh oh
Oh oh oh oh

Oh, my light, take me there again
Up top to the top of the
Freefall, a great wall
Oh oh oh oh oh

My mouth, let me kiss again
Sift out, sift out all of the dust
Hole, black hole
Oh oh oh oh

Hey, boy, won't you take me out tonight?
I'm not afraid of all the reasons why we shouldn't try

Hey, boy, won't you make me out tonight?
I get excited when I think of climbing into your arms

Oh oh oh oh oh
Oh oh oh oh oh
Oh oh oh oh oh
Oh oh oh oh

Hey, boy, won't you take me out tonight?
I'm not afraid of all the reasons why we shouldn't try

Hey, boy, won't you make me out tonight?
I get excited when I think of climbing into your arms

Oh oh oh oh oh
Oh oh oh oh oh
Oh oh oh oh oh
Oh oh oh oh

Lemming

Work again. Pizza again. Adam again. Dexter.

Again, nothing to complain about.

Have you ever watched Dexter? It's twisted in a lot of ways, especially this season where Julia Stiles is an escaped rape victim seeking revenge on her attackers. Some of this stuff is hard for me to watch not necessarily because of the content which I am seeing right before my eyes, but because of the feeling those images awaken inside of me. I am not a rape victim but I have allowed myself to be in the position of the weak female- the one who lets the guy call the shots and exercise his control in an abusive way. The best part about being in control of my life now is that I get to call the shots. There is no one person who directly controls what I do. When I allow people to take a strong position in my life, it's because I have allowed them that control- not because they have taken it from me.

Amy xoxo

"This Is Why We Fight"

by The Decemberists

Come the war
Come the avarice
Come the war
Come hell

Come attrition
Come the reek of bones
Come attrition
Come hell

This is why
Why we fight
Why we lie awake
And this is why
This is why we fight

When we die
We will die
With our arms unbound

And this is why
This is why
Why we fight
Come hell

Bride of quiet
Bride of all unquiet things
Bride of quiet
Bride of hell

Come the archers
Come the infantry
Come the archers
Of hell

This is why
Why we fight
Why we lie awake
This is why
This is why we fight

And when we die
We will die
With our arms unbound
And this is why
This is why we fight
Come hell
Come hell

This is why
Why we fight
Why we lie awake
This is why
This is why we fight

When we die
We will die with our arms unbound
And this is why
This is why we fight

So come to me
Come to me now
Lay your arms around me
And this is why
This is why
We fight
Come hell
Come hell
Come hell
Come hell

Rumbi reader

I love my job. Truly. It's retail and that has its consequences on my body which most times translates into fatigue and hunger. I am always hungry but feel like I never eat and when I do I completely gorge myself because who knows when I will see food again- like it's some anomaly.

After work tonight I drove straight to Rumbi to get their Hawaiian pork with teriyaki sauce and brown rice bowl. It's a staple in my top 15 favorite food items. Sad that my life consists of fast food so much. I cannot complain about something so good- have you had this amazingness before? Don't judge until you have and after that, let the judging begin.

Then I headed over to Bob's house. The last thing I wanted to do was... well, anything. But it was good hanging out with Bob for a casual night. After dinner and in sync with the night, he casually told me he was now going to draw me. I was able to sit and read my book in the peace of Bob's place. And this is the outcome of his wonderful talent! I keep thinking there must be some horrible defect in Bob as a person because what guy cooks, cleans, hems his own pants AND draws beautifully? But just for the record, I haven't seen anything but amazingness come out of this guy. There may be some competition there.

Amy xoxo

"Same"
by Snow Patrol

Maybe somewhere else
Will not be half as cold as me
The curtains drawn the winter sun
Makes patterns on your face
It looks like some kaleidoscopic breathing exercise

It's the same [x6]

Baby won't you breathe

Hold me in your freezing arms before we have to go
I whince a little but it's not because I know the truth
The windshield of your little car is frosted through the glass
The clear heart of air appears as we shiver on the seats

It's the same [x6]

Treat it as a test [x2]
Baby wont you breathe [x2]
It's the same [x6]