Amazing saving grace labor day

Saturday
This wreath is hanging in Kneaders in Bountiful, UT. Go there, and not just to see the wreath. Jack said I should paint it. I don't know a lot of guys who inspire me, but he does, and what is a lot to me could be a small amount to others...? Lots to think about in that last run-on sentence and maybe we'll discuss it soon. So Rachel, Stephanie and Jack and I went running on Saturday morning @ 6:30am. YAY for us! We rock because we ran 7 miles! My leg was killing me and Jack said I may have IT Band Syndrome. Upon reading about it, I think I do :( But it doesn't matter because we ran 7 miles! haha
After running I slept for 4 hours. Running making we super tired; it felt good to catch up on some sleep. I spent some time at Susan and Mike's house watching the spectacular BYU football game. I say spectacular not because they played well but because they pulled off the win! Go Cougs! After the game I headed to the art show. Mike and Susan came, Courtney, Nic, and Jack, and Kyle also went by himself earlier in the day and so did my Bishop and his wife. After the show we all ate at The Spaghetti Factory. It was a hoot to get everyone together and enjoy each other's company. After dinner, we went back to the art show where it was hopping! We were anxious to see if anyone had bought our paintings, but alas, no one had. Some of us went our separate ways for the night...

Monday
I watched Mansfield Park this morning. I know I should read Jane Austen books instead of taking the easy way out and simply plopping myself in front of a screen to absorb the fluorescent light pictures. There are two quotes from the movie that touched me; one quote is from Fanny: "Run mad as often as you choose but do not faint." I think Fanny is saying you are allowed to let love into your life and carry you away, but don't swoon to the point where your heart is beyond repair. I also think this quote can be applied to many other things besides love. For me, I won't bite off more than I can chew. And the second quote is from Edmund to Fanny: "Surely you and I are beyond speaking when words are clearly not enough." I have felt this way before but I have never heard these simple words put together so elloquently to form the exact feeling of my heart.

Here is a snippet from my journal:

I think of you often. I wonder what you're thinking- mainly if you're thinking about me too. If I am being foolish- it does not matter because what matters most is that I am happy. And I am happy.
Does the idea of who I think you are make me feel this way- or is it purely and simple you?
Thank you for coming. I love being around you- I'm always wanting more. More conversation, more of your glances, more of your touch... it's always enough when you give it to me, but I love to be constantly wrapped up in you. So I guess in some sense I never get enough of you because you always leave me wanting... you... more. But I wonder if I could ever truly have you- like if you would ever be mine to have- if you would ever let me?
You're less complicated than I once thought. Simple and sweet. My mind likes to graze our past conversations as if savoring the memories- maybe that's all I'll ever have. I cannot focus on the past, but I will look to the memories we shared here together. I will know they were real- something we shared together. No one will or call take this away. I love that part.


Guess what?! I found out my painting SOLD on Saturday! A collector bought it. I don't know a lot of details yet but I will let you know more when I find out :)



Today was what I would classify as a perfect day. I spent the day with people that I love, I got to help and inspire some of them, we all had fun, and I accomplished a lot that I needed to get done. Some things that I got to do included the following:


*Bought Persuasion by Jane Austen and Dear John by Nicholas Sparks both hardbacks for $2.99 each (He is one of my favorite authors!)
*Made 2 Chocolate French Silk pies from scratch!
*Ate BBQ ribs with homemade pasta salad

It feels good to have people eat something I created. It's an extension of my art, only edible. Enjoy!

Amy xoxo

"Halo"
by Beyonce

Remember those walls I built?
Well, baby they're tumbling down
And they didn't even put up a fight
They didn't even make a sound
I found a way to let you in
But, I never really had a doubt
Standing in the light of your halo
I got my angel now

It's like I've been awakened
Every rule I had you breakin'
It's the risk that I'm taking
I ain't never gonna shut you out!

Everywhere I'm looking now
I'm surrounded by your embrace
Baby, I can see your halo
You know you're my saving grace
You're everything I need and more
It's written all over your face
Baby, I can feel your halo
Pray it won't fade away

I can feel your halo
I can see your halo
I can feel your halo
I can see your halo
Halo, ooh ooh.....

Hit me like a ray of sun
Burning through my darkest night
You're the only one that I want
Think I'm addicted to your light
I swore I'd never fall again
But this don't even feel like falling
Gravity can't begin to pull me back to the ground again

It's like I've been awakened
Every rule I had you breakin'
It's the risk that I'm taking
I'm never gonna shut you out!

Everywhere I'm looking now
I'm surrounded by your embrace
Baby, I can see your halo
You know you're my saving grace
You're everything I need and more
It's written all over your face
Baby, I can feel your halo
I pray it won't fade away

I can feel your halo
I can see your halo
I can feel your halo
I can see your halo
Halo, ooh ooh.....
I can feel your halo
I can see your halo
I can feel your halo
I can see your halo
Halo, ooh ooh.....
Halo, ooh ooh.....
Halo, ooh ooh, oh........

Everywhere I'm looking now
I'm surrounded by your embrace
Baby, I can see your halo
You know you're my saving grace
You're everything I need and more
It's written all over your face
Baby, I can feel your halo
I pray it won't fade away

I can feel your halo
I can see your halo
I can feel your halo
I can see your halo
Halo, ooh oh.......
I can feel your halo
I can see your halo
I can feel your halo
I can see your halo
Halo, ooh oh.......

Ps I think I am addicted to vacations and perfume. I may need help.

Calmez-vous femme, vous sont dans le hysterics

Glorious Friday! Today at work a French woman tested my patience but it was nothing I couldn't recover from. Let's just say she was renting a car from me for 21 days, does not speak a word of English, and cannot drive. Wow, moving on.

After work I stayed late to finish my painting for the art show. I picked up Mike's piece and dropped both mine and his at the gallery. I am excited to see what this is all about! I have never been in an art show except for the one I was in as a Junior in HS that I won. :D That piece is now hanging in my HS which can be seen in the pictures above! I went back in 2008 to have my photo taken with my piece and it was hanging wrong! The second photo shows how it should be hung. Oh well, it's not really mine anymore. haha

I am really proud of the work I did on my "Frog with Benefits" piece. I didn't come up with that name, Josh did. Who is Josh? I don't really know! But I met Josh up at Snowbird tonight with Jack and Andrew. I can't believe I got to ride to Snowbird in Jack's '75 Stingray. Yes, I am a lucky girl. We went swimming and played games in the arcade until late. I felt like a mother hen telling everyone I needed to leave because I had to wake up early for my Saturday run. I was sad to see the night fade away because I was having a great time. Tonight was a great way to start my relaxing weekend.

I hope you enjoy your weekend my pretties!

Amy xoxo

"Sail"
by Awolnation

Sail!

This is how I show my love
I made it in my mind because
I blame it on my A.D.D. baby

This is how an angel cries
I blame it on my own sick pride
Blame it on my A.D.D. baby

Sail!
Sail!
Sail!
Sail!
Sail!

Maybe I should cry for help
Maybe I should kill myself
Blame it on my A.D.D. baby

Maybe I'm a different breed
Maybe I'm not listening
So blame it on my A.D.D. baby

Sail!
Sail!
Sail!
Sail!
Sail!

la la la la la
la la la la la oh

la la la la la
la la la la la oh

Sail!
Sail!
Sail!
Sail!
Sail!
Sail with me into the dark
Sail!
Sail with me into the dark
Sail!
Sail with me into the dark
Sail!
Sail with me, sail with me
Sail!

Ps I am sad to see the Summer go, but I am excited to see what the Fall brings.

One month old

I need a camera which takes decent photos. I would love to learn the art of photography more; I think I have a knack for it like my mother. After all, September is upon us and that means Fall is coming; this is my favorite time of year! I love bundling up in layers because of the crisp, chilly air. I am also looking forward to this Winter where *hopefully* I will FINALLY learn how to snowboard. I mean, I have all my gear so there should be no excuses other than financial obligations but who needs to eat, right? My beautiful board has been idle for too long... shamefully I have never taken her out. FAIL. I am trying to get better at commiting to things and snowboarding is one thing I know I can commit to just like running. Only a broken leg will keep me off of the mountain this Winter, not a broken vagina. For those of you who know, you are laughing, for those of you who have no idea what I am talking about, ask me.
Too much talk about the future. I am definitely enjoying life NOW! Today I picked up my "canvas" for my 24 hour art show. It wasn't a canvas and I am miffed that they called it such a thing- it's a wooden box! But after some persuasive techniques, I was able to get my friends Jack and Andrew to deliver my "uncle" Mike's canvas to him. Mike is Susan's husband and if you didn't read one of my earlier posts, Susan was my Sunbeam teacher at church. So Susan has been an intregal part of my life for the past 22 years.... Any who, Jack and Andrew came to my office to get the canvas when I was at lunch and sad because I missed out on seeing Jack's Stingray. Oh sexy car! Andrew sent me a picture because I was so skeptical that Jack actually owned a Corvette. I am a true believe after that picture with Jack pointing at me disapprovingly.

After work, I hopped on the U bandwagon and went with Nic to the opening football game. We dressed in red and painted each other's faces. I think I did the better job but I have two things going for me, 1) Being that I am a girl and talented in all things pretty and 2) I am an artist and talented in all things pretty. The game was awesome! Nic had student standing only tickets. After 20 minutes of fighting to watch the game between two Goliahs, I convinced Nic to sit in some seats below us where we watched the rest of the game! Victory! Not only for our seats but the U won.

I was thinking, life is great! I don't know what I am doing with my whole life, just bits and pieces. I am ok those bits. In fact, I am more than ok with being surprised a little, I expect it.

Amy xoxo

"No Matter What"
by Papa Roach

I need you right here, by my side
You're everything I'm not in my life.
We're indestructible, we are untouchable
Nothing can take us down tonight
You are so beautiful, it should be criminal
that you could be mine.

And we will make it out alive
I'll promise you this love will never die!

No matter what, I got your back
I'll take a bullet for you if it comes to that
I swear to God that in the bitter end
We're gonna be the last ones standing

So believe me when I say, you're the one
They'll never forgive us for the things we've done

And we will make it out alive
I'll promise you this love will never die!

No matter what, I got your back
I'll take a bullet for you if it comes to that
I swear to God that in the bitter end
We're gonna be the last ones standing
We'll never fight, we'll never fade
I'll promise you forever and my soul today
No matter what until the bitter end
We're gonna be the last ones standing

And everybody said that we would never last,
And if they saw us now I bet they'd take it back
It doesn't matter what we do or what we say
Cause nothing matters anyway!

No matter what, I got your back
I'll take a bullet for you if it comes to that
I swear to God that in the bitter end
We're gonna be the last ones standing
We'll never fight (We'll never fight)
We'll never fade (We'll never fade)
No matter what until the bitter end
We're gonna be the last ones standing

Ps Sexy cars make me to crazy things

I can dress myself

Random pictures from Lagoon in August.

We rode the train 2x. I felt like a small child and didn't mind a bit. Sometimes I feel like I am easy to entertain and it's easy to make me happy.

Giving Esmeralda a drink because she was thirsty.

I feel like after yesterday's post, I should at least mention that sometimes a fantasy is better than the reality and I recognize that I play into that a bit sometimes. Realize that there are other things which have contributed to my feeling a huge sense of loss in my life, but because this blog is being read by many, I want to spare some hard feelings if not all of them. It's easy to judge that which you see but hard to understand that which you cannot. Enough said, moving on.


I feel like I have some solid friendships which I have been building these past few months. I took an extra long lunch today and went to Smith's for a specific purpose- to purchase Corn Nuts! I love serving others and this was my chance, let me explain:
I work inside a hotel. There is a gentleman who sits in a booth all day collecting tickets and money for the parking garage. He has some kind of brain damage although I'm not quite sure what, how, or why. He is one of the nicest, light-spirited people you will meet. He is happy. I have known him for a year and a half. He has recently started passing me food telling me he wants me to be happy too. I cannot pass away a kind deed without an expression of gratitude. Today I found out Mike likes original Corn Nuts so I went to Smith's on my lunch break. The only aisle I needed to travel on and I ran into my friend Nic. That was a nice surprise to add to my day. I went back and left the Corn Nuts on Mike's desk since he was at lunch. I like doing nice things for people not because they are on my to do list but because service is good for my soul.


I have really been into soup lately. Last week I had 5 bowls of soup in 3 days. This week I've only had 1... but I wanted to get soup today, does that count? When I was a kid growing up in AZ, I would wear shorts in the winter and pants in the summer. I don't follow the norm very well.


Amy xoxo

"Save Me"
by Remy Zero

I feel my wings have broken in your hands
I feel the words unspoken inside
When they pull you under

And I would give you anything you want, no
You were all I wanted and all my dreams are fallin' down
Crawlin' 'round, 'round and 'round

Somebody, save me
Let your warm hands break right through me
Somebody, save me
I don't care how you do it

Just stay, stay, come on
I've been waiting for you

I see the world has folded in your heart
I feel the waves crash down inside
And they pull me under

And I would give you anything you want, no
You were all I wanted and all my dreams have fallen down
Crawlin' 'round, 'round and 'round

Somebody, save me
Let your warm hands break right through me
Somebody, save me
I don't care how you do it

Just stay, stay, come on
I've been waiting for you

Crawlin' 'round, 'round and 'round

Somebody save me
Let your warm hands break right through me
Somebody save me
I don't care how you do it

Just save me, save me
I've made this whole world shine for you
Just save me, save, come on
I'm still waiting for you

Ps Working out by myself isn't the funnest thing in the world but I do enjoy working out

Come with me and I'll show you what life can be

What are my desires?
I feel like a small portion of the people that I know, truly know, understand and appreciate the real Amy. That's not to say I try to be elusive, that's to say there are many facets which make up me. Has there ever been a song which so uniquely describes you, that speaks to you on so many levels? Undisclosed Desires permeates my persona on many levels. So if you believe I am mysterious, maybe this will give you some insight?

The blog link posted below reminded me of my goal to purge what I own by 50%. For me, getting rid of things I own is like destroying memories; it's very emotional for me.
http://blog.wantingwhatyouhave.com/2008/12/what-black-friday-really-means.html

Going along with this emotional process of feeling a sense of loss when I throw things away, today I am feeling that emotion deepen with the departure of my sister who is going back to her native home of AZ. Wow, long sentence. With the recent death of my loved one and the death of my relationship with Adam in a period of two months, I am feeling sadness. Everyone needs a time to completely grieve and I feel like this is my time to wrap it all up into a giant spitwad and throw it up at the ceiling (not at the teacher because that would be mean). My desire to move on from Cindy's death is present but my desire to move on from Adam himself is not there like it was in these previous two months without him. Sure you can say it's because I am not dating anyone solidly, but I think it's something more than that. It's not that I miss my relationship with him, it's this feeling that I miss HIM. You win universe, great lesson for teaching me patience. I submit.
I wish I could see the breaking point. I do know that I must first have a desire in order to accomplish anything. I just don't know if I will ever gain or want to gain the desire to move on from Adam. Eventually there will be a breaking point and it's intense to think about what side will capture the flag.

I needed this note I happened upon this morning which was written a bit ago:

Amy, you are the most unassuming, kindest, most caring and loving person I think I've ever met. You make me feel wanted, desired and cared for more than any person I've ever known. You make me feel appreciated, you make me feel understood, and I know that you simply want to make me happy and that means the world to me. I want you to know and feel the same things. All of them. I had really started to believe that the qualities you possess naturally didn't actually exist in any girl and it was such a wonderful wake-up call to meet you and get to know you and see that I was so wrong. And I'm really happy we have so much time to get to know each other better. Thank you for being you, and thank you for taking a chance with me.

What does this note say about me but more importantly, what does this note say about the person who wrote it? My biggest pet peeve is inconsiderateness. After the death of our relationship, his thoughts and actions have continued to prove to me just how considerate he is. A lot of his beautiful qualities have been illuminated by the mere presence of other crooks in my life. Is that too strong of a word, crooks? I feel like the protagonist from the song "How to Love" by Lil Wayne. "You had a lot of crooks tryna steal your heart; Never really had luck, couldn’t never figure out". My life in a daily nutshell is about accepting the things I cannot change and figuring out how to accomplish my dreams. Everyday I learn how to love more fully through my challenges which I am grateful for.

Amy xoxo

"Undisclosed Desires"
by Muse

I know you've suffered
But I don't want you to hide
It's cold and loveless
I won't let you be denied

Soothing
I'll make you feel pure
Trust me
You can be sure

I want to reconcile the violence in your heart
I want to recognise your beauty's not just a mask
I want to exorcise the demons from your past
I want to satisfy the undisclosed desires in your heart

You trick your lovers
That you're wicked and divine
You may be a sinner
But your innocence is mine

Please me
Show me how it's done
Tease me
You are the one

I want to reconcile the violence in your heart
I want to recognise your beauty's not just a mask
I want to exorcise the demons from your past
I want to satisfy the undisclosed desires in your heart

Please me
Show me how it's done
Trust me
You are the one

I want to reconcile the violence in your heart
I want to recognise your beauty's not just a mask
I want to exorcise the demons from your past
I want to satisfy the undisclosed desires in your heart

Ps Susan and I make a great pie team

Sassafras

My weekend in pictures

Courtney and I went to Haley's maquerade surprise birthday party! Courtney and I made our masks with help from my sister. I think Courtney's mask turned out better so I will have to post her mask soon when I get those pictures off of Liisa's camera. Can you tell mine is a butterfly?

Jenn, Haley, me, Les, and Dianne. These are girls are as beautiful inside as they are out! I have fun with them and trust them a lot.

Lesley and Haley's masks

I met Claude last December. I haven't seen him in ages! I love how my candy tongue matches his red shirt.

Don't let the sexy look fool you, I have sweaty armpits. Models never have sweaty pits.

Lightening from last night's storm

Sitting at work today like I always do!
*******

The last 24 hours have been exciting:

*Witnessed a baby deer get hit Bambi style by an SUV.
*Watched a neat thunder storm with my friends Jack and Andrew.
*Watched helplessly as a creepy sexual dream about my coworker invaded my mind.

I thought about elaborating on all of these experiences, but no.

http://www.goodfinancialcents.com/urbanathlon-training-mens-health-chicago/

This is a website I found which describes the race I will be participating in come November.

A secret about me- I've never felt much like an Amy before. I prefer nicknames like Spaghetti, Muffy, Amelia Bedelia, Amerie, Chipmunk, Blondie, and Chicken nugget queen.

Conversations this week:

Liisa to Amy: I think you're too much woman for him.
Amy to Liisa: I think I'm too much woman for a lot of people.
Liisa to Amy: Which means you're gonna get a whole lotta man!

Amy to Jack and Andrew: You guys coming to the munch and mingle activity after church today?
Andrew to Amy: Yes, I'm a natural mingler.
Jack to Amy: Yes, I'm a natural muncher.

I want to end with a poem I wrote. The date doesn't really matter because the feelings are universal and can apply to many:

I saw you after you saw me. I noticed your eyes looking in my direction. Could have been because of me, but maybe not. I am single and you are not. I could like you, but maybe not. Sweet glances continue and perpetuate the fever bliss. Maybe this bliss will blister. Pin pop the festering emotions and release me. I don't want to sleep, I want to think about you. Perhaps dreams are better in the day so I can remember. I hope you can touch my soul in a way no one can, the way I am seeking. Fire spliting soul touching. Make my passionate youth stop and burn into another flame, the candle you cradle. I want to feel the heat inside.

Amy xoxo

"Up All Night"
by Blink 182

[Verse 1]
Everyone wants to call it, all around our life with a better name.
Everyone falls and spins and gets up again with a friend who does the same.
Everyone lies and cheats their wants and needs and still believes their heart.
And everyone gets the chills the kind that kills, when the pain begins to start.

[Chorus]
Let me get this straight, do you want me here?
As I struggle through each and every year.
And all these demons, they keep me up all night.
They keep me up all night [x2]

[Verse 2]
Everyone’s cross to bears the crown they wear on endless holiday.
Everyone raises kids in a world that changes life to a bitter game.
Everyone works and fights stays up all night to celebrate the day.
And everyone lives to tell the tale of how we die alone some day.

[Chorus]
Let me get this straight, do you want me here?
As I struggle through each and every year.
And all these demons, they keep me up all night.
They keep me up all night [x3]
They keep me up all...

Ps You can nickname me what you like

Beautiful but never satisfied

Another comment at dinner last night about my head being mixed up in the clouds. Perhaps I need someone who can handle me and the craziness I bring (crazy in a good way meaning crazy minus the drama). Yes, thank you. I need someone who will ground me a bit. For now, I'll continue to float! I am 100% single right now. 100% can be used in combination with a variety of words. 100% fruit juice is a positive. You be the judge about singleness.

Today's Friday is like the cherry on top of my week! Things in my life are going smoothly and when challenges pop up which I don't like, I have solid footing to handle them. So like I say, bring it!

I am excited to tell you about two challenges I have decided to tackle! I have decided to enter a race called Men's Health Urbanathalon. It's a fun sort of race which allows runners to conquer obstacles along the 10k or 10 mile? race. I am doing it because my high school buddy, Miguel asked me to do it, I have never been to San Francisco and I turned Miguel down for our SF trip last year, it doesn't look like there are a lot of women who have done it in the past, and it looks like a lot of fun!

http://www.menshealthurbanathlon.com/

I am also proud to tell you I have entered an art competition! There is an art gallery I have been visiting for over a year now called The Hive Gallery. Kyle and I went there last year for his friend Greg's showing on opening night. Greg's exhibit consisted of small dolls in various situations which had sort of an Alice feel so of course I loved it! I stopped by The Hive with my sister last night on our way to The Spaghetti Factory and saw that they were calling for submissions for their September 3rd show- next week! It's a 24 hour process where I will pick up my canvases on September 1st and drop them back off to the gallery by September 2nd. After dinner last night I bought my canvases online :) Today I took a reference photo of an idea that popped into my head and by this morning I had my creation for one canvas! The other canvas I am going to use to create a mixed media piece. I am super excited for both! If you can't make it to the show next Saturday, don't worry, I will take and post some photos- promise promise!! There is going to be a silent auction so after the show, no more canvases for me- hopefully they will be sold!

Well that's all for tonight. Just got home from a lovely evening eating out at Biaggi's at The Gateway Mall with my sister. We are trying to spend as much time with each other as possible since she leaves for AZ on Tuesday. That means no more sister and no more sweet convertible. Sad day! But you know what? I am excited for next week. I've got big plans :D

Love you my lovely bones!

Amy xoxo

"Weightless"
by 311

(my favorite song on their new album which I have listened to almost every day for 2 weeks)

It's all kinda starting to make sense, the difference
Between us and them, from the beginning
We're looking for such different things, it is insane
But we wouldn't want to be the same

We are beyond supposed separations
All of those are just our creations
Caught up in the days of mistaking this
Everyone of us is weightless

So weightless, weightless
All weightless, weightless
We're all weightless, weightless
Everyone of us is weightless
Everyone of us is weightless

A summer night and the starlight
That slowly does appear
My god it's been gone for all these years
And yet it really still is here

We are beyond supposed separations
All of those are just our creations
Caught up in the days of mistaking this
Everyone of us is weightless

So weightless, weightless
All weightless, weightless
We're all weightless, weightless
Everyone of us is weightless

Gotta get away, now make it somehow
Zero gravity, no pull has got me
Hurtling through space, all time is misplaced
We're all weightless in this place
Only matter's if you are here with us
Because the route we take is so circuitous
We are floating now, there's no pull here in space
We're all weightless hey

It's all kinda starting to make sense, the difference
Between us and them, from the beginning
We're looking for such different things, it is insane
Everyone of us is weightless

So weightless, weightless
All weightless, weightless
We're all weightless, weightless
Everyone of us is weightless

Ps I really like guys who are tough enough to go to art shows with me and sensitive enough to work out with me. Yes, I said that in the right order.