Blue chain

My new turquoise skinny jeans are my favorite. I wore them with a sweet silver chain hanging on my hip. I must tell you a funny little story Adam recalled after seeing my outfit. There were two brothers who moved into his high school boundaries. They both wore hanging chains. Because of their chains, Adam said a lot of kids were scared of them. The kids in school thought these two brothers were tough. haha I'm sure they were. And that's how they received the nickname- the chain brothers. Nice! Maybe someone will nickname me blue chain or something cool like that. Yeah, something cool.

Amy xoxo

"Hearing Damage"
by Thom Yorke

A tear in my brain
Allows the voices in
They wanna push you off the path
With their frequency wires

And you can do no wrong
In my eyes
In my eyes
You can do no wrong
In my eyes
In my eyes

A drunken salesman
Your hearing damage
Your mind is restless
They say you're getting better
But you don't feel any better

Your speakers are blowing
Your ears are wrecking
Your hearing damage
You wish you felt better
You wish you felt better

You can do no wrong
In my eyes
In my eyes
You can do no wrong
In my eyes
In my eyes
In my

In my eyes
In my eyes
In my eyes

The loss that felt like a win

Tonight I watched the Jazz play against the Lakers. They lost but it felt like a win. The Jazz held their own against the Lakers.

Everyday there are are lessons to be learned. We all lose at times, but sometimes the greater win is in the knowledge taken away from the situation.

I am glad my life is in a position where no matter what happens, I know I will be ok. I will be more than ok because I am committed to being happy.

Amy xoxo

"Home"
By Dierks Bentley

West, on a plane bound west
I see her stretching out below
Land, blessed mother land
The place where I was born

Scars, yeah she’s got her scars
Sometimes it starts to worry me
Cause lose, I don’t wanna lose
Sight of who we are

From the mountains high
To the wave crashed coast
There’s a way to find
Better days I know

It’s been a long hard ride
Got a ways to go
But this is still the place
That we all call home

Free, nothing feels like free
Though it sometimes means we don’t get along
Cause same, no we're not the same
But that’s what makes us strong

From the mountains high
To the wave crashed coast
There’s a way to find
Better days I know

It’s been a long hard ride
Got a ways to go
But this is still the place
That we all call home

Brave, gotta call it brave
To chase that dream across the sea
Names, and they signed their names
For something they believed

Red, how the blood ran red
And we laid our dead in sacred ground
Just think, wonder what they think
If they could see us now

It’s been a long hard ride
Got a ways to go
But this is still the place
That we all call home

It’s been a long hard ride
And I won’t lose hope
This is still the place
That we all call home

Sea foam

I went to work today and received a nice surprise. Adam's Mom and sister Hannah came to my work today. It's always nice to see familiar faces at work.

After work I went to see Adam play ball. I always enjoy seeing him play. Yeah it sucks to see his team lose or to see him play at a fraction of his best due to injuries, but I enjoy seeing him give it 100% effort. When Adam commits to something, he does it with full conviction.

On my way to pick up dinner at Cafe Zupa's, I spoke with my friend Chris and my sister Liisa. Sometimes I feel like I call my family too much. I know it's ok rely on them for occasional emotional support, but I feel strong enough on my own to be calling them almost every day. I need to take a step back and feel confident in my own feelings and in the decisions I am making- I don't need the approval of others. But I do enjoy talking to my friends and family about their lives and I am taking more of an interest in what other people are doing and being happy for them. Because I really am happy for other people in their successes.

Amy xoxo

"Hard Enough"
by Brandon Flowers

You let me into your life on a whim
And there was magic and fire in the night
In loving I was just a little boy
I made mistakes that caused you so much pain
All I know is that I'm older now

Some people think that it's best to refrain from the conventions of old-fashioned love
Their hearts are filled with holes and emptiness
They tell themselves that they're too young to settle down
Girl I promise you I'm older now

And this has been hard enough on you
I know it's been hard enough on me
Been telling myself that I can roll with the changes

And when the water gets high above your head
Darling don't you see,
While this has been hard enough on you
It's been hard enough on me

I wasn't looking when we built these walls
Let me spread my dreams at your feet
Let’s not let time’s bitter flood rise
Before my thoughts begin to run
I think I'm getting older now

And this has been hard enough on you
I know it's been hard enough on me
Been telling myself that I can roll with the changes

And when the water gets high above your head
Darling don't you see,
While this has been hard enough on you
It's been hard enough on me

Can't stand the thought of another,talking to you sweet my dear
Where would I be tonight if you hadn't held me here, in your arms?

And this has been hard enough on you
I know it's been hard enough on me
Been telling myself that I can roll with the changes

And when the water gets high above your head
Darling don't you see,
While this has been hard enough on you
It's been hard enough on me

Guns and roses

Freedom will be a day when I don't have to depend on anyone to help me pay for anything. It will be a time when I am doing something in my career field- teaching art. I appreciate my life for what it is now, that I have a job that I am good at and which appeals to me and challenges me in certain ways. I have meaningful relationships which I am patiently nuturing. The biggest thing in my life which I am practicing is patience. I know where I am, who I am, where I want to go, how to get there and what I need to do now to get there. Timing is everything.

Amy xoxo

"Patience"
by Guns 'N Roses

1,2,1,2,3,4
[whistle]
Shed a tear 'cause I'm missin' you
I'm still alright to smile
Girl, I think about you every day now
Was a time when I wasn't sure
But you set my mind at ease
There is no doubt
You're in my heart now

Said, woman, take it slow
It'll work itself out fine
All we need is just a little patience
Said, sugar, make it slow
And we come together fine
All we need is just a little patience
(patience)
Mm, yeah

I sit here on the stairs
'Cause I'd rather be alone
If I can't have you right now
I'll wait, dear
Sometimes I get so tense
But I can't speed up the time
But you know, love
There's one more thing to consider

Said, woman, take it slow
And things will be just fine
You and I'll just use a little patience
Said, sugar, take the time
'Cause the lights are shining bright
You and I've got what it takes
To make it, We won't fake it,
I'll never break it
'cause I can't take it

[whistle]
...little patience, mm yeah, mm yeah
need a little patience, yeah
just a little patience, yeah
some more patience, yeah
need some patience, yeah
could use some patience, yeah
gotta have some patience, yeah
all it takes is patience,
just a little patience
is all you need *

I BEEN WALKIN' THE STREETS AT NIGHT
JUST TRYIN' TO GET IT RIGHT
HARD TO SEE WITH SO MANY AROUND
YOU KNOW I DON'T LIKE
BEING STUCK IN THE CROWD
AND THE STREETS DON'T CHANGE
BUT BABY THE NAME
I AIN'T GOT TIME FOR THE GAME
'CAUSE I NEED YOU
YEAH, YEAH, BUT I NEED YOU
OO, I NEED YOU
WHOA, I NEED YOU
OO, ALL THIS TIME **
(ah)

Sixth grade fail

Aaron. In sixth grade he wanted to be my boyfriend. He lived around the corner from me. I was reminded of him because of Serra's drama. Serra is dating and she was recently discussing with me how uncomfortable she felt around a certain guy. This is not a new topic for us. I wish Serra knew how to be more assertive. I worry she won't be able to communicate her feelings of NO and she'll be in a situation she doesn't know how to get out of. And that is why I remembered Aaron.

He took me to his house once. We went to his room. He closed the door. I didn't think much of that. He started to play Boyz II Men. Loudly. This is when he started to profess his love to me. See Amy freak out. See Amy run. Just like a Dick and Jane book. Outside I could still hear his music. His admission love echoed across the pavement. I could not wait to get home. I was seriously freaked out.

I think what most guys mistake for passion comes out as aggression. I need a guy to be assertive, not lavish and certainly not indulgent. This was an absolute fail. Maybe this is why sixth graders shouldn't date.

Amy xoxo

"On Bended Knee"
by Boyz II Men

Darlin' I can't explain
Where did we lose our way
Girl it's drivin' me insane
And I know I just need one more chance
To prove my love to you
If you come back to me
I'll guarantee
That I'll never let you go

Can we go back to the days our love was strong
Can you tell me how a perfect love goes wrong
Can somebody tell me how to get things back
The way they used to be
Oh God give me a reason
I'm down on bended knee
I'll never walk again until you come back to me
I'm down on bended knee

So many nights I dreamt
Holding my pillow tight
I know that I don't need to be alone
When I open up my eyes
To face reality
Every moment without you
It seems like eternity
I'm begging you, begging you come back to me

Can we go back to the days our love was strong
Can you tell me how a perfect love goes wrong
Can somebody tell me how to get things back
The way they used to be
Oh God give me a reason
I'm down on bended knee
I'll never walk again until you come back to me
I'm down on bended knee

I'm gonna swallow my pride
Say I'm sorry
Stop pointing fingers the blame is on me
I want a new life
And I want it with you
If you feel the same
Don't ever let it go
You gotta believe in the spirit of love
It'll heal all things
It won't hurt any more
No I don't believe our love's terminal
I'm down on my knees begging you please
Come home

Can we go back to the days our love was strong
Can you tell me how a perfect love goes wrong
Can somebody tell me how to get things back
The way they used to be
Oh God give me a reason
I'm down on bended knee
I'll never walk again until you come back to me
I'm down on bended knee

Wanna build a new life
Just you and me
Gonna make you my wife
Raise a family

I know I'm awake but it feels like I'm in a dream

I visited with Susan and Mike tonight. It felt like old times. I miss visiting with them.

I spoke with my Dad on the phone for a while. He is my hero and anytime I get to talk with him it's a treat and I treat that moment like it could be our last.

I value my relationships.

After all of my conversations, I hung out with Sean and Adam. I wish Sean lived in Utah for a few reasons. Most are selfish. Sean is a big Adamy supporter. Sean is a great advice-giver and listener. But more than anything, Sean allows me to move beyond my own perspective.

I have a lot of supporters I know this. I never feel alone.

Amy xoxo

"Love You Like A Love Song"

By Selena Gomez

[Verse 1]
It's been said and done
Every beautiful thought's been already sung
And I guess right now here's another one
So your melody will play on and on, with the best of 'em
You are beautiful, like a dream come alive, incredible
A centerfold miracle, lyrical
You've saved my life again
And I want you to know baby

[Chorus]
I, I love you like a love song, baby
I, I love you like a love song, baby
I, I love you like a love song, baby

And I keep hitting re-peat-peat-peat-peat-peat-peat

I, I love you like a love song, baby
I, I love you like a love song, baby
I, I love you like a love song, baby

And I keep hitting re-peat-peat-peat-peat-peat-peat

[Verse 2]
Constantly, boy you played through my mind like a symphony
There's no way to describe what you do to me
You just do to me, what you do
And it feels like I've been rescued
I've been set free
I am hypnotized by your destiny
You are magical, lyrical, beautiful
You are... And I want you to know baby

[Chorus]
I, I love you like a love song, baby
I, I love you like a love song, baby
I, I love you like a love song, baby

And I keep hitting re-peat-peat-peat-peat-peat-peat

I, I love you like a love song, baby
I, I love you like a love song, baby
I, I love you like a love song, baby

And I keep hitting re-peat-peat-peat-peat-peat-peat

[Bridge]
No one compares
You stand alone, to every record I own
Music to my heart that's what you are
A song that goes on and on

[Chorus]
I, I love you like a love song, baby
I, I love you like a love song, baby
I, I love you like a love song, baby

And I keep hitting re-peat-peat-peat-peat-peat-peat

I, I love you like a love song, baby
I, I love you like a love song, baby
I, I love you like a love song, baby

I love you...like a love song...

Desert ride

I'm feeling quite nostalgic lately. I feel like one piece of writing is inadequate to contain the full story of who Eddie Brown was to me. This post will be about a moment I spent with the infamous Eddie Brown. At such a young age I had such a strong connection with him. One time in Phoenix, Eddie and I took Rachel and Chris' car out for a drive. I remember it distinctly. A BMW with a sunroof. The air was chilly outside but inside Eddie turned the heat up in the car and opened the sunroof to expose to open sky dotted with stars. Out in the desert, away from the city, you can see the most beautiful stars. The open desert, surrounded only by brush and heat, makes most things more beautiful. I loved feeling the heater spew out the warm air all around me with the top open. It was my first time drinking a Starbucks' drink. Apple Caramel Cider. Oh wow. That was a great night.

Amy xoxo

"Runaway Lover"
By Madonna

You lost your reputation on a woman
You didn't understand or care to know
You get your education from your lovers
But now there's just no place for you to go

It doesn't pay
To be a runaway lover
It doesn't pay
To give away what you lack
You'll never get your money back

You're set adrift with no direction
Just like a ship that's lost at sea
You don't care where you drop your anchor
Make sure it doesn't land on me

It doesn't pay
To be a runaway lover
It doesn't pay
To give away what you lack
You'll never get your money back

Walking around on a cloud
Cause every girl you meet just trips on you
Saying your name out loud
I guess you met your match
Now what will you do

It doesn't pay
To be a runaway lover
It doesn't pay
To give away what you lack
You'll never get your money back