My ultimate

A few weeks ago, I was talking with Ben, Hannah, and Adam. We were in the basement probably watching some awesome show. Ben was talking about his ultimate girl (one he has known for years from school) when Adam was prompted to ask me, "Who is hottest guy you have ever come across?" Without hestitation I knew my answer and said it way too fast- Derek Ress. I think I hurt his feelings a bit but I knew his answer certainly wouldn't me. Am I justifying my answer? I will say that most times, I don't intentionally hurt people. Hurting people intentionally is something I have tried to steer clear of because it's such passive-aggressive behavior. It's cowardly and it's a slap in the face. I am sure there are people who think I do things intentionally to hurt them, but I can assure you, that is not who I am. But like I said, I am not perfect and I do things sometimes which do hurt others. Sorry, that was a tangent.

Derek Ress. Yes. He was yummy. If you knew him, you would think so too. Take the good looks of Brad Pitt and multiply them by 2. Then add some Red Vines and Dr. Pepper and you have a complete package. Yes, that was him. I think hearing that he was hotter than Brad Pitt had Adam discounting my accuracy. But I assure you, opinions aside- I KNOW I AM RIGHT. I wish I had a picture of him. Maybe that would be detrimental to my relationship with my future husband but at least then my credibility would be established to such a degree that you would believe me in any future circumstance. BELIEVE ME- he was that good looking. But I would pass up that 2x Brad Pitt Derek Ress any day for someone who will treat me with respect, acceptance, and love. Remember that Brad.

Amy xoxo

"Sleep To Dream Her"
by Dave Matthews Band

I know I'll miss her later
Wish I could bend my love to hate her
Wish I could be her creator
To twist her arms now

She stares up at the stars when
The stars fell from her hair then
I bent down to collect them
And then she was gone

Oh, I sleep just to dream her
I beg the night just to see her
That my only love should be her
Just to lie in her arms

Oh, I came there to find out
Find out she'd made up her mind, oh
My arms are all tied up
To me she was blind

This space between us
Where wingless dreams fall earless
Will you not bear me witness
With your back to me now

It seemed so unnerving
Still somehow deserving
That she could hold my heart so tightly
And still not see me here, oh

Oh, I sleep just to dream her
Beg the night just to see her
That my only love should be her
Just to lie in her arms

I know I'll miss her later
Wish I could bend my love to hate her
Wish I could be her creator
To be the light in her eyes

Cash stash

"I'm really sick of this test." That's what I said to myself as I opened the compartment which revealed hundreds of dollars.

Stealing has never been a problem or a temptation for me. My parents established with me early on that lying and stealing go hand in hand. Lying is one of my pet peeves. I hate deception. Not to be confused with the movie Inception because that is a great movie.

At my current job, it would be easy to steal a lot of items. But to me, losing my soul isn't worth some trinket I can live without.

Tonight, I was closing up the store and found this secret money tucked away. Why are you doing this to me Satan? Or could it be from you Heavenly Father? Either way, both sides are interested in what I will do.

I will be in control of my actions. I will control what happens to me as much as possible. Even when I have said this in the past, I felt like I was making choice after choice soley because I was on the path of one action- like when I chose not to be LDS for a time. That one choice led me down a path where I thought all of my actions after that were choices in the moment but in reality, they were because of one initial choice not to be LDS. I don't want to make a choice now, say to steal and then have some of my other actions after that be from out of guilt or shame- to lie about what I have done.

It's a lot easier to do your best, to fall short and say, I am sorry, I have tried and learned and I will do better next time than to say, sorry I knew better but chose to be selfish and petty and I chose wrong.

Amy xoxo

“People do not lack strength, they lack will.”
by Victor Hugo

The power of a glance

http://society6.com/product/Lilly-Byx_Print

Can anyone tell me this is not lovely?

That is all I have to say for today.

Amy xoxo

“The power of a glance has been so much abused in love stories, that it has come to be disbelieved in. Few people dare now to say that two beings have fallen in love because they have looked at each other. Yet it is in this way that love begins, and in this way only.”

by Victor Hugo

Many start, few finish

I finished the Hunger Games trio. All three books were appealing to me in different ways. The progression of the story was interesting. The books progress much like life. For example, did you think your life would be where it is now? Probably not. We all have expectations of our lives and that is not to say we don't have happy and great lives it's just that our lives took paths which we didn't know they would travel. These books are so true to life in general. The story has many twists and turns and some are not pretty. And when our lives take those twists and turns, it's about dealing with them and learning to be happy. This life is a training center on how to be happy. I am not claiming it's soley about that, but all roads lead there.

Amy xoxo

"A Twist In My Story"
by Secondhand Serenade

Slow down, the world isn't watching us break down
It's safe to say we are alone now, we're alone now
Not a whisper, the only noise is the receiver
I'm counting the seconds until you break the silence
So please just break the silence

The whispers turn to shouting
The shouting turns to tears
Your tears turn into laughter
And it takes away our fears

So you see, this world doesn't matter to me
I'll give up all I had just to breathe
The same air as you till the day that I die
I can't take my eyes off of you

And I'm longing, for words to describe how I'm feeling
I'm feeling inspired
My world just flip turned upside down
It turns around, say what's that sound
It's my heart beat, it's getting much louder
My heart beat, is stronger than ever
I'm feeling so alive, I'm feeling so alive

My whispers turn to shouting
The shouting turns to tears
Your tears turn into laughter
And it takes away our fears

So you see, this world doesn't matter to me
I'll give up all I had just to breathe
The same air as you till the day that I die
I can't take my eyes off of you

I'm finally waking up, a twist in my story
It's time I open up, and let your love right through me
I'm finally waking up, a twist in my story
It's time I open up, and let your love right through me
That's what you get
When you see your life in someone else's eyes
That's what you get, that's what you get

So you see, this world doesn't matter to me
I'll give up all I had just to breathe
The same air as you till the day that I die
I can't take my eyes off of you
This world doesn't matter to me
I'll give up all I had just to breathe
The same air as you till the day that I die
I can't take my eyes off of you

Heart open

Sometimes we judge and are concerned about others, but those are the moments when we should take a step back and access our own lives. When we view our own weakenesses, we are vulnerable and this can be difficult. Many people fear change. The only thing we should fear is sin and even that is something we shouldn't focus on. Change happens despite our feelings about it. The best thing to do in life is to accept the things we cannot change and have a good attitude about the things we cannot. I am not perfect and it's something I am very open about. I make mistakes daily. The key is to acknowledging those mistakes and making the changes necessary to make the situation better including improving one's own life. I grateful for my opportunity to apply the Atonement to my life daily.

Amy xoxo

"Hands Open"
by Snow Patrol

It's hard to argue when
you won't stop making sense
But my tongue still misbehaves and it
keeps digging my own grave with my

Hands open, and my eyes open
I just keep hoping
That your heart opens

Why would I sabotage
the best thing that I have
Well, it makes it easier to know
exactly what I want with my...

Hands open and my eyes open
I just keep hoping
that your heart opens

It's not as easy as willing it all to be right
Gotta be more than hoping it's right
I wanna hear you laugh like you really mean it
Collapse into me, tired with joy

[x2]

Put Sufjan Stevens on
and we'll play your favorite song
"Chicago" bursts to life and your
sweet smile remembers you, my

Hands open, and my eyes open
I just keep hoping
That your heart opens

It's not as easy as willing it all to be right
Gotta be more than hoping it's right
I wanna hear you laugh like you really mean it
Collapse into me, tired with joy

[x3]

Intertwined

It ready does suck the fun out of life when I'm sick. I didn't have to work until 3 so I was able to go to a new lunch spot with Adam, get a lot of reading done and rest. I am now on the third book of the Hunger Games. WARNING do not read the rest of this post if you have not read the books and are planning to. I am just over 100 pages of the book. So far Haymitch has turned out to be a big disappointment. I'm hoping there is some sort of big secret about him and a reason for him acting like such a jerk! I don't think Katniss would choose Gale over Peeta with everything that her and Peeta have been through. Katniss and Gale seem more like best friends and Peeta and Katniss seem more suited for each other as partners.

“Love is a temporary madness, it erupts like volcanoes and then subsides. And when it subsides, you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion, it is not the desire to mate every second minute of the day, it is not lying awake at night imagining that he is kissing every cranny of your body. No, don't blush, I am telling you some truths. That is just being "in love", which any fool can do. Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident.”
― Louis de Bernières, Captain Corelli's Mandolin

I am grateful for my fortunate accidents. No matter what happens to me in the future, this is who I want to be with. This kind of love to me is lasting. I feel like this is where I am headed.

Amy xoxo

"Always You"
by Ingrid Michaelson

I wait in the rain but I don’t complain because I wait for you
I don’t feel pain, you’re like novocain, and I got you

It was always you
It was always you

Time and again I thought that the end was just around the bend
You but showed me there’s more, I got more in store, and I got you

It was always you
It was always you

It was always you
It was always you

Decades of not getting sick

The first day of my weekend! I was able to run a few errands and I even met up with Susan and Serra at one of my favorite stores downtown- Decades. Now working retail- I get it. I GET IT when you become irritated when a customer picks something up and puts it in the wrong place. Serra was trying on shoes for her school dance tomorrow. She is a considerate girl in public places. This is the girl who goes out of her way to be nice. I was with her- I saw her picking up shoes, trying them on and putting them back in their appropriate spots. So how come after Serra left, the Decades associates felt the need to complain about her trying shoes on? Isn't it part of owning a retail store to allow your customers to try things on? Like I said I GET IT when I understand the retail world- it's frustrating to see customers being inconsiderate. But on the flip side, it's frustrating to feel unwelcome in a store. This is not the first time I have felt an icy chill from these two associates. I feel like I'm done with this place for a while.

Later that night I felt a tingle in the back of my throat. I hate getting sick...

Amy xoxo

"Loving You"
by Paolo Nutini

Back off loneliness, and hello tenderness
I've been waiting for your call for so long
It must have been hard just to follow your soul
To stick to the road that your heart wants you to go
And as you slide through the door
with your morals on your sleeve
I think it's time for all those morals to leave
So let's get down and freaky baby
Let's get restless baby, come on get crazy with me

And I said
When you're loving me, I'm loving you
And I love your prowess in the things that you do
and it's your flawless soul that bleeds my stone
and when you're loving me, I'm loving you
and that's when we've got it goin' on

So many people think we've got it wrong
They'll try to break us but we won't play along
so let's get down and dirty baby
Let's get restless baby
Come on get crazy with me

And I said
When you're loving me, I'm loving you
I love the prowess in the things that you do
And it's your flawless soul that bleeds my stone
And when you're loving me, I'm loving you
and that's when we've got it goin' on, oh goin' on

I was so stranded
I was lost and abandoned
I needed another home
And you flew in my arms
You just flew right into my arms

And when you're loving me, I'm loving you
I love the prowess in all the things that you do
and it's your flawless soul that bleeds my stone
and when you're loving me, I'm loving you
and that's when we've got it goin' on

When you're loving me, I'm loving you
And I love the prowess in all the things that you do
And it's your flawless soul that bleeds my stone
And when you're loving me, I'm loving you
and that's when we've got it goin' on

It's your flawless soul that bleeds my stone
And when you're loving me, I'm loving you
and that's when we've got it goin' on