My Own Best Friend

Everyone exhibits strength in different ways. It's not fair to compare yourself to others because of this fact (and many more).

Last week I struggled a bit and within that realization that I didn't want to keep feeling like the runt of the litter, I took charge and started focusing on me more. This morning I woke up early and did my make-up, hair, etc. I've noticed when I feel good on the outside, feeling good on the inside comes a bit easier. Taking that extra step this morning combined with a healthy breakfast- well I was on top of it!

Once I arrived at work, I noticed something awful, something I haven't seen in a long time- egg on my car. Without question I knew, my crazy neighbor is at it again. This being the fifth time something of this nature has happened to my car, I felt extremely irritated and upset. Why would someone go to such lengths repeatedly? My first and most horrible thought was to dump a whole bucket of eggs on her car and leave a nasty note saying something like, DON'T MESS WITH ME. Immediately I felt guilt for having such awful thoughts. The distinct impression came upon my mind saying, Fill the world with more love instead of more hate. Most, not all anger towards this woman vanished with that thought. As I stroked this new mantra more, I came to the conclusion that anyone willing to go this far must have a terrible, sad and lonely life. Egging and damaging someone's car multiple times screams sadness and desperation. I HEAR YOU. She probably needs a friend. Living in her skin is probably some kind of hell on its own (I have spoken to this woman before and she seems troubled and unstable).

Being alone while Adam is away doesn't mean being lonely. I am my own best friend. I am kind, I am gentle but direct, I am helpful and willing, and I can control myself and that is dependability! What an awesome best friend!!

If you do not like yourself, change one thing. If you do not like 10 things about yourself, change one thing. That is where true success lies, in the power of change. We do not always climb mountains, sometimes we take steps, jump through hoops and over pebbles. 

The secret to paving a road leading to a successful divorce is being unwilling to change. Welcome to absolute destruction. Do not let yourself be a part of any problem. Be the light, the hope, the reason someone else wants to change for good. Sometimes, most of the time, always- it is good for us to focus on ourselves so that we can first be strong for ourselves and second, be strong for others.

One of the best reasons for living in Salt Lake is having the opportunity to visit extended family. I was able to visit the hospital of mine and my sister's birth. My cousin and his beautiful wife were blessed with a third little girl early this week. The hospital they were at is literally across the street from where I live so how could I not take them up on their mass Facebook invitation and surprise them with a visit? 

Our family used to be so close- we were always taking trips to our Grandparent's house in St. George for Thanksgiving and Christmas to be together. As an adult, I have allowed myself to become more closed off to my extended family. There are people within my family I think about every week, people who (am I supposed to use whom here, I will never know so please don't be mad) I have a special connection with, and it's shameful to me that I haven't kept in better contact. This is one of the reasons I keep a profile through Facebook. Thank goodness for Facebook tonight because I was able to see a precious newborn soul.

This sadly comes with the news earlier in the week of a co-worker's sudden passing. And tonight I was made aware that my Grandmother's life balances delicately in God's hands.

I know there is a Heavenly Father and without his hand in my life, I have nothing. I am because of my creator and what I do is my choice. I am grateful to have learning experiences such as today to strengthen me as a woman. To me, being a lone wolf means finding my way through the darkness, clearing my own path, and coming out victorious. Victorious for winning bounties of my own.

Amy xoxo

"Breathe Me" by Sia
Help, I have done it again
I have been here many times before
Hurt myself again today
And the worst part is there's no one else to blame
Be my friend
Hold me,
wrap me up
Unfold me
I am small and needy
Warm me up
And breathe me
Ouch I have lost myself again
Lost myself and I am nowhere to be found,
Yeah I think that I might break
I've lost myself again and I feel unsafe
Be my friend
Hold me,
wrap me up
Unfold me
I am small and needy
Warm me up
And breathe me
Be my friend
Hold me,
wrap me up
Unfold me
I am small and needy
Warm me up
And breathe me


Sia also wrote a little song called "Diamonds" by Rhianna HERE among many other fab songs.
Mind blown.
You're welcome.
Basically, if you don't know Sia, look her up. Great Gatsby Soundtrack. Need I say more?

6 Months In

6 months being married and I haven't left screaming yet ;)
We have been traveling a lot during these past few months: Florida, Idaho, California, Georgia, Arizona, Idaho again and now New York.

After our honeymoon to Walt Disney World,  I travelled to Idaho to visit my BFF Lauren. The week after that I travelled to California for a girl's Disneyland/LA trip with my friend Megan (a birthday treat to myself!). We visited the new Topshop which opened a few days before in LA and went to Santa Monica. Immediately after I came home from CA, Adam received an opportunity to work with some clients in Georgia and I was able to go with him! I was even able to visit my cousin Brittany who lives south of Atlanta- the cherry on top! I love traveling to new places because then I get to cross them off of my list. I want to visit every state in the US before I die. Surprisingly I have never been to Hawaii but we are planning a trip next year to solve that! I also have never been to Oregon and it's where one of my dearest friend lives. I have to go! I believe I have been to about 30 states so I am not too far off from my goal.
Now Adam is in New York consulting again. It's not ideal having Adam gone, but it's something I am ok with. I am very proud of my husband and what he accomplishes professionally and personally. We are each working on "secret" projects right now that we hope to share with the world soon. They are projects which are unique to each of us and totally separate. FYI, mine is not art related, although I need to continue painting! Ever since completing two wood canvas paintings, the same enthusiasm with which those two flowed from me wasn't existent in the next set. I do however have 8 blank wood canvases sitting in my front room. They call to me whenever I exit and enter my home. Someday soon.
The other piece of big news is that with interest rates so low, Adam and I have been looking at purchasing a house. We'll keep you updated on what happens there.
And then there is that whole France trip we are taking in September. I have never been to Europe. I shall be instantly in love, I know it. I am traveling with three males and am determined to bring less stuff than them. I have been stocking up on what I have named "Paris pants". Pictures will be posted I am sure. 
For now, here are some of us during these past 6 months.

This one is cheating because it was taken more than 6 months ago, in December of 2012. I just love it because it was a fun party with great friends and taken right before we were married. And I am wearing vintage fur.

On the beach in Santa Monica

Cruella didn't like my wolf shirt. Maybe she prefers puppies?

With Megan. We had a blast in CA!

Lamp our friend Tyler helped me make for Adam's birthday. To remember our Georgia trip (and we are big fans of Coke) I purchased a vintage Coke jug on Etsy as the lamp base. Adam loved it!

My handsome husband with his Red Bandit haircut from the movie "The Fall".

Rainy wedding day for Heather and David made for some pretty pictures.

Love my little family. 

Amy xoxo

What's For Dinner?

With the new year, Adam and I made a commitment to easy mostly vegan at home. I say mostly because we aren't 100% yet. So far we've made the transition to soy/almond/coconut milk instead of cow's milk. We like constant variety. And did you know, Oreos are vegan? Scary with all of the additives, but nice to be able to grab a 50 calorie vegan cookie when you want it. I've been eating a lot of nuts and drinking shakes to obtain my daily protein. I am starting to add more beans into my diet as well.

After Monday's disastrous fish tacos, I wanted to share a cooking success! I found this recipe I made tonight on the Choose Veg website. I hope you enjoy!

Choose Veg Recipes <<<<<<<<< Click for instant yummyness!
I am hoping others turn out as good a this one did tonight.

Tofu and vegetable stir fry with peanut sauce

INGREDIENTS:
 1 cup brown rice, cooked or 1 cup quinoa
cooked 1 pound firm tofu, cut into cubes
2 teaspoons of olive oil 1 yellow onion
sliced thinly 1 carrot
chopped 1+ cup green beans, with ends cut
1 clove garlic
minced or crushed ½-inch piece fresh ginger
minced 3 or 4 TBSP peanut butter
5 TBSP water
2 tsp. lemon juice
2 TBSP soy sauce or tamari
2 TBSP soymilk

INSTRUCTIONS:
 1. Pan-fry the tofu in a non-stick skillet pan until the tofu is lightly browned. You may add a teaspoon of oil, or you can just pan fry with no oil in a nonstick pan. Remove from wok/pan.
 2. Heat 1-2 teaspoons of olive oil in the wok and stir-fry the onion, carrots, and beans for 4 minutes or so – until the beans start turning a bright green and the onions become translucent.
 3. While this is cooking (or even beforehand), add a small amount of oil in a separate pan and add the ginger and garlic. Cook for a minute or two, then stir in the peanut butter and then the water. Stir until smooth. Add the lemon juice, tamari/soy sauce, soymilk, and stir well.
 4. Return the tofu to the wok, and stir in the peanut butter sauce. Mix well and serve on top of the rice.

Adam and I both enjoyed dinner tonight because it tasted delicious and it was so filling! If you make it too, let me know what you think!

Amy xoxo

The Wedding

We had a ninja wedding in early January. We didn't have a reception or we would have told and invited more people. It was a joyous day filled with love in the company of friends.

Amy xoxo

 Adam and me

 Tracy and me

 My mom, me and my sister

 Adam, my dad, and my brother-in-law



 Our centerpieces that Megan arranged



 Our bishopric 

 Gpa and Gma Talbot

Adam's family (which is now mine!)



Neon Hope

As I was turning the pages of my sketchbook with my Mother this weekend, I noticed a quote I had written in a curious manner. It was written parallel with the spine of my book as to call attention to it because it is one of my favorite quotes ever:

 "...I have been sustained throughout my life by three saving graces -- my family, my friends, and a faith in the power of resilience and hope. These graces have carried me through difficult times and they have brought more joy to the good times than I ever could have imagined. The days of our lives, for all of us, are numbered. We know that. And, yes, there are certainly times when we aren't able to muster as much strength and patience as we would like. It's called being human. But I have found that in the simple act of living with hope, and in the daily effort to have a positive impact in the world, the days I do have are made all the more meaningful and precious. And for that I am grateful..."

Elizabeth Edwards December 6, 2010
Died December 7, 2010

I love being close to my family. I appreciate their wisdom, but mostly I appreciate their love.

What do you hope for? Do you believe it's silly to hope or do you feel it's an important aspect of everyday life?

I always hope that my family is happy and safe.
I hope for happiness in my own life.
I think about all of my friends who may be struggling and I hope that their desires may be fulfilled.
And then I do something about it.

It is not enough for me to simply hope.
To me, hope is tied directly to faith and I have learned that faith is an action.
Hope coupled with an action leads to miracles and blessings.
And I love me some blessings.

I hope your desires may be fulfilled. Do not wait for your life to get better. No matter the task, we are all capable of hoping and improving our own lives to some degree. Do not be too hard on yourself but do challenge yourself. We all have room to grow.

What will you hope for?

Amy xoxo

Be Brave She Said

Naivety. Indulgence in thoughts that he would come for me. It didn't matter who I was with, he would be the one to pull me away. He always had that affect on me. For years the thought of what we could be because we never truly were, haunted me. I wanted our constantly diverging paths to become one. Our itineraries would sometimes include the same destinations yet in those moments I never felt more distance between us. What created this gap? Certainly it was my ignorance which perpetuated it. Letters written but never sent, phone numbers dialed but never followed by the complete call button. Cowardly nonactions allowing my life to be acted upon.
On Sunday, I spoke with Nancy Gleue for those of you who know her. Bravery was the topic. She is half a century now and said that is one piece of advice she would recommend to us younger ones- be brave.
Taking risks relies heavily on the release of fear. I used to take many risks, just not in productive ways. My productivity has gone up in the past couple of years. I no longer run in circles afraid of the unknown. There is fear in letting go. Sometimes the braver option is to relinquish. That action used to make me feel anxious and even like I was doing something wrong. But the truth is, I moved on a long time ago. It may have taken some time to recognize the shift, but I arrived at one of the correct conclusions. There were many paths I could have chosen and the one I chose wasn't him.  I decided to save myself and stop waiting. I decided to stop delaying my happiness based on past memories. I live in the now.
Amy xoxo
"Destiny is not a matter of chance; it is a matter of choice. It is not a thing to be waited for, it is a thing to be achieved.” ― William Jennings Bryan

Peaceful Hand

March 2011
"I know that for me, Adam brings me a sense of peace..."
This Sunday, Adam and I drove by the Iceburg in South Salt Lake. He said, do you remember  last time we were here? We sat in the parking lot talking about our relationship. I asked if you had to describe our relationship in one word what would you say? You answered peaceful.
I am grateful for the peace and the assurance that I will receive that peace in my life daily. There have been times I wasn't sure I would wake up to see the next day. Chaotic.
I specifically remember my Father saying to me beginning of 2010, watch the hand of the Lord withdraw from you as you make decisions which are contrary to his plan.
I don't worry about the Lord's hand withdrawing from my life anymore. It is my daily choice to hold it which strengthens and enables me.

Amy xoxo