Solar Show

I am currently visiting with a physical therapist to help me with my leg. I was diagnosed by a sports medicine doctor last fall with Iliotibial band syndrome (IT band). I stopped running then for three reasons. One, my doctor told me to. Two, it was painful to keep running- even a mile hurt. Three, I didn't need to keep running because I was ready to face every emotion I was feeling. Running helped me get over my break-up with Adam and helped me to become more assertive. I just couldn't stay away for too long! I love running too much and it's something I have always had a desire to develop. I finally got steady insurance starting this month beginning of August so I decided to take advantage of those benefits (good girl I can hear my mother saying).
Sitting in a doctor's office with no one else there except the two of you, you get to talking about many things. Almost in an act of deliberate desperation, my physical therapist brought up the fact that he needed help! He was in the doghouse because he forgot his wedding anniversary of 42 years. His wife was ticked! She didn't understand how he could forget. He asked me, what should I do? I didn't even have to think, the answer was on my lips as I opened my mouth. I asked him if he had ever read The Five Love Languages? He said he hadn't and I described them to him. I encouraged him by telling him, obviously you are doing something right to be married for 42 years, so don't feel too down on yourself! But I told him to go home with a love note written to his wife. I told him not to hold anything back, it needed to be really sappy and dripping with sweet love. He laughed and asked me what should it say? It should say I told him, Honey, I want to read this book (The Five Love Languages) with you. This book isn't for you, it is for me because I am the one who needs to learn from it, but please come on this journey with me. I want to do something with you which will make us grow together... So right now his wife is feeling rejected. She wants to feel justified in her feelings and she wants to feel loved. Maybe she needs to read this book more than him- fine. But she will learn regardless of what he says to her before they read it. He might as well except his part in forgetting their anniversary and say sorry. The quicker he accepts responsibility and says sorry and tries to make it better, the quicker they can both move on.
Within 5 minutes of our conversation (I was the on a machine getting some treatment so he wasn't neglecting me or anything) he bought the book and accepted everything I had suggested. He seemed happy there was a resolution in sight. I felt good because helping people is what I like to do! We'll see what happens with that situation. I am thinking a column like "Dear Amy" has a nice ring to it ;)

Two Fridays ago (August 17th) I was walking home from the gym. Yes, Friday and I was at the gym. Ugh, so as I was walking home, my friend Zak was outside. The perfect excuse to stop moving and take a rest! I found out he was going on a 24 hour trip down south with some friends. It was fun to catch up but I had to get going to a wedding reception (Julee's). I walked home and plopped on Adam's couch and relished the sweetness of the cushions and my butt becoming one. Good thing I realized that my friend Megs invited me to an art show and the only time I could go was, well NOW. I couldn't do it after the reception- too late in the P.M. So I got up, dressed up cute (because we all know cute clothes and art was the only thing getting me off of that couch... chocolate ice cream wasn't available...) and met Megs. I love living downtown because I can walk anywhere! We walked to the art gallery and we found out the girl showing her work was not only a super incredible artist, but this was her first solo showing. Megs bought a print and I am in the process of hopefully buying one. I say that because the print I want hasn't been made yet. The painting was bought that night but it hasn't been decided if a print will be made... But it was the best piece there and I usually get what I want so I think based on those two facts, I will buy a print. Here's an interview and some of her work if you are interested:

http://www.cityweekly.net/utah/blog-70-6110-emily-hart-wood.html

Back to Zak. Did you think that was a meaningless detail? Not at all. So fast foward. Art show a success with Megs. Walk back home. Drive to Julee's beautiful reception. See Julee happy. I see Julee happy. I am happy. I see food. I eat food. I am happier. I am nicer to Adam. Go to bed. Saturday morning breakfast with Adam. City Creek. Airport to see Hannah. She goes to Africa to help orphans. She almost cries. I am happy and scared for her. Drive back home. Babysit for some extra $. The kids love me. Get back in time time to kiss Adam and say goodbye again.
Now we are to the point of this story.
As I was getting in my car to go see my friend Jess who was in town (I haven't seen her since NC 2009) I see Zak and friends unloading his car down the street. I pull up and honk my horn and scare them. I love scaring people. Is that mean? If it's wrong, I don't want to be right. Zak tells me to stop driving and pull over, he wants to tell me something. I pull over. He comes over and tells me he had a dream about me last night. Remember- Zak doesn't know anything about my stroll to the art gallery. Zak tells me in the dream I has my first solo art opening and it went very well- I was super successful. But right after that, I died...

But how cool would that be? Dying doing something I love... Adam doesn't want me to die and made me promise when I have my first solo art show that I won't die. I promised him. Ok, ok. I will just have to die doing something else WAY cooler. Like climbing an Egyptian pyramid or something (insert clever but cool way to die here). I guess I don't really care too much about dying. I'm too busy living.

Amy xoxo

Happy Birthday Mama

To my Mom.

Get out the tissues now.
You have been my best friend since adolescence. Your wisdom transcends decades and it has been a constant in my life. I don't think you are prefect- in fact that was a big moment for me in college when I realized you were also a person- not just my parent. I know you have hopes and dreams of your own. I know some of those have been passed on to my sister and me. Every day I am here, I keep you in mind to make you and Daddy proud of me. I am now in the best place I have ever been in my life. You gave me those tools- those roots. If not for you, I would have never gone to counseling. You taught me to look at life in a positive way. Yes, this life can be lonely and bleak, but with family close, it is always sweet. You taught me not to fight with those whom I love, because they are my most precious gift. Because you told me life isn't fair, I work hard everyday to have the life I want even when the very forces of Hell are working against me.
You tucked me in bed every night. You showed me you cared, that I was your most precious gift. You always made me feel welcomed, loved and wanted. I know there was much of my childhood when you were sick but you still made sure I had everything I needed and most of what I wanted.
I don't know a Mom that cared more about her daughters than you did. I have been blessed so much having you as my Mother. You honored me. You not only showed me love, but you cultivated my talents to such a degree that now, I get to use those talents everyday. I know how to love because of you. I am glad to call you Mother and friend. I can't wait to see what new things you get to accomplish. Because you never gave up on me, I can never give up on you and your hopes and dreams.

I love you!

Amy xoxo

Part of Me

That moment when you realize who truly cares about you and who matters... I heard many quotes today- one being, "God sometimes removes people from your life to protect you. Don't run after them." Today my heart is fragile. "Who am I living for?"
Today people have looked me in the eye and it felt piercing, like an arrow directly into my soul. They all noticed how quiet I was today. I was focused, but I felt nothing was out of place from my normal self. I figured out why I was so quiet- I could not bare giving any more of myself. Every day, I seek to inspire others through whatever it is I am doing. Usually that is through my attitude- it's my nature to be happy and giving. For some reason, my energy today was very internal and only flowed into the projects I was doing and not into the people I was doing them for. Spelling it into words now seems so selfish. I'm not that person.
I do believe in allowing myself time to heal and be me all alone. That includes doing the things I love all on my own. Free from the sometimes selfish expectations of others. Because I am always so giving, people have come to expect that always.
More than those small moments of watching movies by myself with a Coke and popcorn, I enjoy my time with Adam. He is my best friend and I have never met anyone like him. I have not met a kinder man that I understand more than him. He has the most beautiful, deep eyes you have ever seen. I've never touched something deeper than Adam's soul. Mostly he is fun, funny, and completely adores me as much as I do him (probably more). He is my absolute favorite.
Being strong on my own means being strong with Adam. I am so glad I followed that path- the one that made me the strongest and ultimately led me to him.

“Real isn't how you are made,' said the Skin Horse. 'It's a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real.'

'Does it hurt?' asked the Rabbit. 

'Sometimes,' said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. 'When you are Real you don't mind being hurt.' 

'Does it happen all at once, like being wound up,' he asked, 'or bit by bit?' 

'It doesn't happen all at once,' said the Skin Horse. 'You become. It takes a long time. That's why it doesn't happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand.” 
― Margery Williams, The Velveteen Rabbit

I choose to give of myself every single day to people. They matter the most to me. The people that matter most in my life allow me to do what I do best- give. In order to get, you must first give. They are the ones that understand me. They know my intentions are pure and at times am I selfish? Of course because I am not perfect but I am a good person seeking to do good continually. Those are the ones who look past my mistakes and imperfections, accept my apologies and look inside themselves to self improve. Because that is ultimately what I seek to reflect- only light. Until I am perfect, I will always give you part of me.

Amy xoxo

Some of my favorites:

"Who Am I Living For?"
By Katy Perry

Yeah eh yeah yeah

I can feel a phoenix inside of me

As I march alone to a different beat

Slowly swallowing down my fear, yeah yeah

I am ready for the road less traveled

Suiting up for my crowning battle

This test is my own cross to bare

But I will get there

It's never easy to be chosen, never easy to be called

Standing on the frontline when the bombs start to fall

I can see the heavens but I still hear the flames

Calling out my name

I can see the writing on the wall

I can't ignore this war

At the eh-end of it all

Who am I living for?

I can feel this light that's inside of me

Growing fast into a bolt of lightning

I know one spark will shock the world, yeah yeah

So I pray for a favour like Esther

I need your strength to handle the pressure

I know there will be sacrifice

But that's the price

It's never easy to be chosen, never easy to be called

Standing on the frontline when the bombs start to fall

I can see the heavens but I still hear the flames

Calling out my name

I can see the writing on the wall

I can't ignore this war

At the eh-end of it all

Who am I living for?

I can see the writing on the wall

I can't ignore this war

At the eh-end of it all

Who am I living for?

At the end, at the end

Who am I living for?

At the end, at the end

Who am I living for?

Heavy is the head that wears the crown

Don't let the greatness get you down

Heavy is the head that wears the crown

Don't let the greatness get you down, oh, oh yeah

I can see the writing on the wall

I can't ignore this war

At the eh-end of it all

Who am I living for?

I can see the writing on the wall

I can't ignore this war

At the eh-end of it all

Who am I living for?

At the end, at the end

Who am I living for?

At the end, at the end

Who am I living for?

No One

I've had a lot of questions swirling in my mind lately. Mostly I am at peace in my every day life but I feel like with peace, contentment can easily follow. But really, how do people have a full time job, workout, eat right, and have successful relationships? It's a hard balance for me.
This week I started working out every day. I am active every day because of my job but I don't feel like it's enough. I like to run at least a mile every day because running clears my mind and centers my purpose. It's me time and I feel like that's something everyone needs. I also feel like with me getting into more of a routine, doing more of my art would allow me to open my creative mind and be more explorative (DUH, right?). So I need to set more time aside for that.
I had an eye-opening experience this week. I saw my friend Chris on Saturday. We dated for a bit in college... yes, that Chris. Just wanted to get you up to speed. He said I've been spoiled my whole life when it has come to guys loving me. I am not as easily offended anymore and especially not when someone says something which it truthful about me. It has always been easy for me to fall in love and to be loved by others. But why is that?
My friend Courtney and I have always admired things about each other. She admires my ability to love and be loved. I admire her intelligence and career path. We are both so different but we appreciate what we have and what we can learn from one another. We have both grown so much from when we first met each other! We watched Midnight in Paris last night. Ah, Pair-ee. So gorgeous. I'm sure it's the fantasy I am in love with. Once I get there and the rose-colored glasses have been removed from my memory I am sure I will be flooded with a sad dose of reality.

I've been having weird dreams lately. One I had earlier this week was about a couple I knew a while back. I was actually great friends with them when I was married. In my dream, they got divorced. I asked them what happened and she was quick to respond with, "Well, he was only boyfriend material. When we were married, it was like we were dating." In my dream it made sense to me, but awake that perspective only confuses me. Then, to make it worse I was dating her ex-husband. It was like we were best friends, not dating. So is that what she meant when she was trying to talk to me about the failure of their relationship? It was weird. I have never felt a romantic connection to this dude btw.
Then, this morning I dreamt about a white cat. I could communicate to this cat without words. It was always around me whenever I went. I went outside one night and there was a tiger in the distance near my old house in Phoenix (near the condos if you know where those are located across the street). So I took the cat and hid in a neighbor's front yard down the cul-de-sac. I wished for a blanket and then BOOM I had one (Adam hates the word BOOM for some reason. Maybe it sounds like something a cocky guy would say? But I am not a guy so he should get over it.).

A lot of thoughts, but you didn't come here for boringness.

Amy xoxo

Mustache Sweater

I work in the coolest shops this floorset. Within the store I work at, we have different concepts and we usually refer to them as shops or sections. For example, there may be a cowgirl shop and a rocker chick shop and a 70s girl shop and so on. I have a shop called Geek Chic. Now to some, it may seem like a mix up of stripes, conversation print and puke, but it calls to my inner child. It reminds me of how I used to dress when I was in elementary school- print on print and rocking it. It's back to school shopping season and the store hasn't been lacking in customers lately. There was a mother/daughter duo walking together when the daughter, about age 13, stopped to fondle a sweater with a mustache on it. Anyone cool knows that mustaches have been in for a few years now. Whether you can grow one or wear one, they are in. She exclaimed with delight and held up the sweater to show her mother. In disgust, her mother said, "Ew, NO!" 

I know this is not an earth shattering scenario that I should concern myself with, but I still learned something. I don't think I am an uptight person and I certainly hope I won't be an uptight mother. This girl is 13 years old. She picked out a sweater, a perfectly respectable sweater, and this mother shot her daughter down because of her personal taste (which may or may not be bad). I want to give my kids boundaries when it comes to things like safety, but not when it comes to creativity. Give respect to earn respect. LET THE GIRL WEAR HER MUSTACHE SWEATER.

Thank you. The End.