Delta wave

My new haircut with bangs

fyi nothing on my face photoshopped, I just darkened the edges

You can never go back. Everything you have done, you must accept the consequences of those actions. I remember hearing those words echo in my mind so distinctly months ago. I remember thinking, yes, that applies to me, but not right now because I don't want it to. But consequences apply to us every day whether we choose to live in the clouds or down to earth. I have chosen both at times. My reality now is a mixture of accepting those consequences and forging my own path, looking to create my own destiny full of happiness. I know what will make me happy. I know myself the best- I know my faults, weaknesses, my deepest secrets (there are a lot), my loathsome habits, and my enviable strengths. I will never be the girl with the biggest boobs, flattest stomach, or best hair.

November 15, 2010
"...I copied and sent one of the posts to my email account. Diane said she is in a wheelchair and had use of one of her limbs. She is alone most days...
Loneliness. It's a terrible thing."

October 21, 2011
"I like to think that I was the torch in that darkness sometimes...'The only thing that makes the emptiness bearable is each other.' You are the place I feel peace and at home. I wish I could be that light for you again."

May 15, 2011
"Yes, we can always be & always do better- but I love you for who you are now."

October 30, 2010
"I often wonder what besides art will make me happy. Today was one of those days when I didn't have to think- I just let the happiness flow... I've never had a deeper connection with anyone else. We hardly ever fight... I'm scared to lose him knowing all of these amazing things... I've never been happier with someone..."

What is my point to these endless ramblings? Do I wish sometimes? Do I dream about things I do not have but want, need and desire? Absolutely, yes, every day! If you want something, make it happen and accept the consequences of that something. Some things in life turn out better than your best dreams. And some things, most things... the BEST things- those take time. Because in the end, that patience with a little bit of struggling- those are the things that remain treasured because fire is a powerful element.

Amy xoxo

"Neighborhood #3 (Power Out)"
Arcade Fire

I woke up with the power out, not really somethin to shout about. ice
has covered up my parents hands, don't have any dreams don't have any
plans. i went out into the night, i went out to find some light. kids
are swingin from the power lines, nobody's home so nobody minds
i woke up on the darkest night, neighbors all were shouting that they
found the light - "we found the light." - shadows jumpin' all over my
walls, some of them big, some of them small. i went out into the night
i went out to pick a fight with anyone. light a candle for the kids,
jesus christ don't keep it hid!
ice has covered up my parents eyes, don't know how to see, don't know
how to cry. growin' up in some strange storm, nobody's cold, nobody's
warm. i went out into the night, i went out to find some light. kids
are dyin' out in the snow, look at them go - look at them go!
and the power's out in the heart of man, take it from your heart put
it in your hand. what's the plan? what's the plan? is it a dream? is
it a lie? i think i'll let you deceide. just light a candle for the
kids, jesus christ don't keep it hid! cause nothing's hid, from us
kids! you ain't foolin' nobody - with the lights out! and the power's
out in the heart of man, take it from your heart put it in your hand.
and there's something wrong in the heart of man, you take it from your
heart and put it in your hand! where'd you go?!

Ps Round 57 of the nightmares. Talk about things you do and do not have control over. Dear pillow, please bring me some comfort tonight.