Fainting spells

I feel like I am the exact opposite of myself. I feel like I am watching my life through someone else's eyes. I feel hallow. I feel like every exacting and deliberate move on my part only skims the surface of what really matters. What really matters? I am struggling but not from lack of air- I feel like I have too much! It's hard for me to think so I create mindless tasks to complete. Everyday it's the same food, the same people, the same problems- the same tasks. I am not looking for the kind of adventure which sets me in a world of mystery. I am looking for the deeper meaning in everything.

I am upset. I feel like I could have created a better life for myself up to this point. It's not that I necessarily regret the choices I've made, I just feel like in a lot of situations I've been careless when I thought I was being carefree. I've been careless with my heart allowing people into my life who had no business being there.

It's hard to continue on a path I feel like I was never meant to travel on. That's not to say the things that I am doing now are not worthy and righteous. I do think there are things I am great on! I am saying that I didn't see myself single at 26. That is not to say I feel like this is the end of the road for me... what I am saying is that I have planned my life multiple times, thought I was on one path, only to realize I had no idea what I was doing and oops, I am doing something completely different that what I thought I would be doing. I am ok with change. I would just like a glimpse of some sort of landmark in my near vacinity.

I hope these struggles will make my future ones easier because guess what- I am going to beat this slump I am in! I have said it may times and I will say it again, I am grateful for my struggles. Maybe all of this is to see if I am super patient enough to wait for a super hot husband. Yes, I think that's what all of this means.

I can learn from my past situations and resolve to live better- with more patience, persistence, forgiveness and strength.

This picture is from a friend of a friend's fb page. They titled it "Romantic Artists".

I think it fits perfectly with this song.

Amy xoxo

"Fade Into You"
Mazzy Star

I want to hold the hand inside you
I want to take a breath that's true
I look to you and I see nothing
I look to you to see the truth
You live your life
You go in shadows
You'll come apart and you'll go blind
Some kind of night into your darkness
Colors your eyes with what's not there.

Fade into you
Strange you never knew
Fade into you
I think it's strange you never knew

A stranger's light comes on slowly
A stranger's heart without a home
You put your hands into your head
And then smiles cover your heart

Fade into you
Strange you never knew
Fade into you
I think it's strange you never knew

Fade into you
Strange you never knew
Fade into you
I think it's strange you never knew
I think it's strange you never knew

Ps Onward! All in the valley of death as Tennyson would say.