Come with me and I'll show you what life can be

What are my desires?
I feel like a small portion of the people that I know, truly know, understand and appreciate the real Amy. That's not to say I try to be elusive, that's to say there are many facets which make up me. Has there ever been a song which so uniquely describes you, that speaks to you on so many levels? Undisclosed Desires permeates my persona on many levels. So if you believe I am mysterious, maybe this will give you some insight?

The blog link posted below reminded me of my goal to purge what I own by 50%. For me, getting rid of things I own is like destroying memories; it's very emotional for me.
http://blog.wantingwhatyouhave.com/2008/12/what-black-friday-really-means.html

Going along with this emotional process of feeling a sense of loss when I throw things away, today I am feeling that emotion deepen with the departure of my sister who is going back to her native home of AZ. Wow, long sentence. With the recent death of my loved one and the death of my relationship with Adam in a period of two months, I am feeling sadness. Everyone needs a time to completely grieve and I feel like this is my time to wrap it all up into a giant spitwad and throw it up at the ceiling (not at the teacher because that would be mean). My desire to move on from Cindy's death is present but my desire to move on from Adam himself is not there like it was in these previous two months without him. Sure you can say it's because I am not dating anyone solidly, but I think it's something more than that. It's not that I miss my relationship with him, it's this feeling that I miss HIM. You win universe, great lesson for teaching me patience. I submit.
I wish I could see the breaking point. I do know that I must first have a desire in order to accomplish anything. I just don't know if I will ever gain or want to gain the desire to move on from Adam. Eventually there will be a breaking point and it's intense to think about what side will capture the flag.

I needed this note I happened upon this morning which was written a bit ago:

Amy, you are the most unassuming, kindest, most caring and loving person I think I've ever met. You make me feel wanted, desired and cared for more than any person I've ever known. You make me feel appreciated, you make me feel understood, and I know that you simply want to make me happy and that means the world to me. I want you to know and feel the same things. All of them. I had really started to believe that the qualities you possess naturally didn't actually exist in any girl and it was such a wonderful wake-up call to meet you and get to know you and see that I was so wrong. And I'm really happy we have so much time to get to know each other better. Thank you for being you, and thank you for taking a chance with me.

What does this note say about me but more importantly, what does this note say about the person who wrote it? My biggest pet peeve is inconsiderateness. After the death of our relationship, his thoughts and actions have continued to prove to me just how considerate he is. A lot of his beautiful qualities have been illuminated by the mere presence of other crooks in my life. Is that too strong of a word, crooks? I feel like the protagonist from the song "How to Love" by Lil Wayne. "You had a lot of crooks tryna steal your heart; Never really had luck, couldn’t never figure out". My life in a daily nutshell is about accepting the things I cannot change and figuring out how to accomplish my dreams. Everyday I learn how to love more fully through my challenges which I am grateful for.

Amy xoxo

"Undisclosed Desires"
by Muse

I know you've suffered
But I don't want you to hide
It's cold and loveless
I won't let you be denied

Soothing
I'll make you feel pure
Trust me
You can be sure

I want to reconcile the violence in your heart
I want to recognise your beauty's not just a mask
I want to exorcise the demons from your past
I want to satisfy the undisclosed desires in your heart

You trick your lovers
That you're wicked and divine
You may be a sinner
But your innocence is mine

Please me
Show me how it's done
Tease me
You are the one

I want to reconcile the violence in your heart
I want to recognise your beauty's not just a mask
I want to exorcise the demons from your past
I want to satisfy the undisclosed desires in your heart

Please me
Show me how it's done
Trust me
You are the one

I want to reconcile the violence in your heart
I want to recognise your beauty's not just a mask
I want to exorcise the demons from your past
I want to satisfy the undisclosed desires in your heart

Ps Susan and I make a great pie team