Hope after heartbreak

Days turn into weeks. The Summer mornings grow darker, longer. I feel the Fall approaching and I welcome it. I have always looked forward to a happy summer, one that compares to the Summer of 2005, but nothing will touch it I fear. I thought this was the year, but I was wrong. I was wrong about a lot of things. A lot of insecurities have held me back from enjoying my life. I have the capacity to love someone fully and without hesitation yet I let fear creep in every time. Fear can easily be turned into an excitement which propels me into action far beyond the chains which it was designed for. I am better than I was yesterday and far better than I was one month ago. Will this strong upward course continue? I wish you could stand beside me instead of watching from the sidelines. I can do it on my own but that's not the point.

"Life gives to all the choice. You can satisfy yourself with mediocrity if you wish. You can be common, ordinary, dull, colorless, or you can channel your life so that it will be clean, vibrant, useful, progressive, colorful, and rich. You can soil your record, defile your soul, trample underfoot virtue, honor and goodness, and thus forfeit an exaltation in the kingdom of God. OR you can be righteous; commanding the respect and admiration of your associates in all walks of life, and enjoying the love of the Lord. Your destiny is in your hands and your all important decisions are your own to make. –Spencer W. Kimball

I enjoyed this quote on Sunday. Here is a free flowing list of what I learned. The Gospel is a gospel of self discipline and self mastery. The grestest battle ever won is mastering oneself. Directing yourself inward can be miserable sometimes. You confront yourself head on by viewing your imperfections under microscope. Change is inevitable but suffering is optional. I can tell you it is going to take a lot more than a facade to change my course. It would take an avalanche or a meteor to distract me from what I have to accomplish. The path I am on demands greater perspective than that of human perspective. It is not one I am simply enduring, it is one I am enjoying.

Plans for this week:
Volunteer at the Utah Food Bank
Practice Volleyball
Softball tournament
Play with Hannah before she leaves for Dixie- YAY!
Organize my messy clothing pile which is eating my whole house
My friend Randy comes into town!
Lagoon for $8 with dinner?, yes please!
RUN! with my girlfriends who are training for a half

Every. Single. Day. is taken up for the next two weeks with something fun! Seems like that has been the past two weeks as well. Can't wait to share with you what I'm doing next week!

Amy xoxo

To Earthward
by Robert Frost


Love at the lips was touch
As sweet as I could bear;
And once that seemed too much;
I lived on air

That crossed me from sweet things,
The flow of--was it musk
From hidden grapevine springs
Downhill at dusk?

I had the swirl and ache
From sprays of honeysuckle
That when they're gathered shake
Dew on the knuckle.

I craved strong sweets, but those
Seemed strong when I was young;
The petal of the rose
It was that stung.

Now no joy but lacks salt,
That is not dashed with pain
And weariness and fault;
I crave the stain

Of tears, the aftermark
Of almost too much love,
The sweet of bitter bark
And burning clove.

When stiff and sore and scarred
I take away my hand
From leaning on it hard
In grass and sand,

The hurt is not enough:
I long for weight and strength
To feel the earth as rough
To all my length.