Wanderer

I have a few favorite movies like The Breakfast Club, Moulin Rouge, and Sabrina.
I wouldn't necessarily consider myself a romantic girl, but I do swoon for the romance and I don't know a girl who wouldn't... totally me justifying my girlish ways.

This is a quote from Sabrina:
Linus Larrabee: So, that really is a beautiful name. How did you get it?
Sabrina: My father's reading. It's in a poem.
Linus Larrabee: Oh?
Sabrina: "Sabrina fair, listen where thou art sitting under the glassy, cool, translucent wave, in twisted braids of lilies knitting the loose train of thy amber-dropping hair."
Sabrina: [laughs to herself] It's an incredible airplane - it's beautiful. I've never seen anything like it.
Linus Larrabee: Ah, yes.
[returns to reading his work papers]
Sabrina: Don't you ever look out the window?
Linus Larrabee: When do I have time?
Sabrina: What happened to all that time we saved taking the helicopter?
Linus Larrabee: [lightheartedly] I'm storing it up.
Sabrina: [seriously] No, you're not.
Linus Larrabee: [pause] So, your little poem - what does it mean?
Sabrina: It's the story of a water sprite who saved a virgin from a fate worse than death.
Linus Larrabee: And Sabrina's the virgin.
Sabrina: [quietly] Sabrina's the savior.

And later on at the end of the movie, Linus tells Sabrina:
Linus Larrabee: I've been following in footsteps all my life. Save me, Sabrina fair, you're the only one who can.

I never picked up on it before, but Sabrina not only saved herself first, but then she went on to save everyone else. This is how I feel about myself. I started the journey a year ago to improve myself and now I feel like I am on solid ground. Now I can focus my attention on helping others while I continue to work on making myself the best I can be!

Yesterday I had a couple of thought provoking conversations. One was with my friend Johnny which made me think about the quote I added to the Adam&Eve blog in July which states, "not all who wander are lost". Johnny talked to me about his experience wandering and how wandering isn't wrong to him because it feels better to search for something more than to except something like the LDS religion which is comfortable. My question is, is it ok to be comfortable in the Gospel? Comfortable in Johnny's mind means being stagnant while I would like to expound upon this and bring it somewhere else with comfort meaning feeling worthy to feel God's love. Why would anyone want to deny themselves the comfort of feeling God's love? I guess I was wrong to think that no one is entitled to anything because I definitely feel that everyone is entitled to feel the love of God. To me, that love is not only comfortable, but it allows me to have my wings to explore the limitless possibilities for my life.

Am I a hard person to read? Over the past week, over 5 people have been asking me what I am thinking and where I am at. In am in my own world- even a person of my own realm my uncle Mike said to me. I have been very introspective lately. For example, in Idaho this weekend, I was riding in the converitble I rented to my sister with the top down, staring into the green abyss called landscsape and I was wandering. I was not lost, I was contemplating my life. Interesting how this past week, one of the hardest I have dealt with in my whole life, really tipped the scales for me, letting me know what I want.

I was talking to my church buddy Joel yesterday about smiling. What he said hit me. Sometimes- most of the time- I don't smile because I am scared of letting my light shine too much. That is silly. This is something I have been working on for the past two months, not being afraid to let my light shine. To me this means regardless of what anyone else thinks of me, I think I am pretty great! I guess that is why I am sharing this blog with everyone now, I am not afraid anymore.

Amy xoxo

"I Still Remember"
by Bloc Party

I, I still remember
how you looked that afternoon.
There was only you.

You said "it's just like a full moon".
Blood beats faster in our veins
We left our trousers by the canal
And our fingers, they almost touched

You should have asked me for it
I would have been brave
You should have asked me for it
How could I say no?

And our love could have soared
Over playgrounds and rooftops
Every park bench screams your name
I kept your tie

I've gone wherever you wanted

(I still remember)

And on that teachers' training day
We wrote our names on every train
Laughed at the people off to work
So monochrome and so lukewarm

And I can see our days are becoming nights.
I could feel your heartbeat across the grass.
We should have run.
I would go with you anywhere.
I should have kissed you by the water

You should have asked me for it
I would have been brave
You should have asked me for it
How could I say no?

And our love could have soared
Over playgrounds and rooftops
Every park bench screams your name
I kept your tie

I would let you if you asked me

I still remember