Step it up

My heart is full. I still feel like I am floating sometimes. I've been a little more grounded but every once in a while I will get this far away look and the person I am with knows I am no longer present. I am spinning away like a tire with no brake. Who will be my brake pad?

I haven't experienced many times in my life where prayer has been hard for me, but this is one of those times. I feel close to my Heavenly Father and I know he loves me and wants to help me, but it is my own foolishness which holds me back from praying properly. I am not ready to receive the answers that I have been seeking. There has been something which has been pressing on my mind on and off since I was young and now the time has come to receive the answer yes or no. I feel like I am not ready for this. Lauren told me today that it's a hard thing to float, to live with the unknown answer. She said no matter what my answer is, knowing is always better than wondering.

It's not too much to ask to have a partner who inspires me on every level. I don't want to talk about any of my past loves specifically, but know that's who I am looking for. I need a guy who helps me spiritually by encouraging me to search the scriptures with him daily. I need a guy who gently reminds me. I need a guy who appreciates me steaming his clothes for work. I need a guy who tells me about some foreign disease he just heard about and how interesting it is. I need a guy who laughs at the little and the big things, a guy who is always willing to smile with me. I need a guy who can see all of my faults and is ok with me not being as smart as him at math. I am not a math girl. And hey, he may not be a creative guy, but we can learn from one another. I need to inspire him too. I need a guy who is confident enough with himself that he is secure in our relationship. I don't need or even want a guy who is perfect- perfection is not something I am seeking.

I know my life is whatever I want it to be. I want to be happy. always. And guess what? I am pretty freakin happy right now! It's because I make that choice every day. You make it a lot easier.

Amy xoxo

"Junk Of The Heart (Happy)"
by The Kooks

Junk of the heart is junk of my mind
So hard to leave you all alone,
We get so drunk that we can hardly see
What used to that, but you aren't me baby,
See I notice nothing makes you shatter no no
You're a lover of the wild and a joker of the heart,
But are you mine?

[Chorus]
I wanna make you happy, I wanna make you feel alive,
Let me make you happy,
I wanna make you feel alive at night,
I wanna make you happy
If you're a good girl tonight
Yeah

A ship to be sunk, life is not a race,
When I'm not happy I'm in disgrace
So I spend time with pissing on you oh
You're a lover of the wild and a joker of the heart,
But are you mine?

[Chorus]
I wanna make you happy,
I wanna make you feel alive,
Let me make you happy,
I wanna make you feel alive at night,
I wanna make you happy
If you're a good girl tonight.
Yeah

(la la-la-lala)

Still I notice nothing makes you shatter no no
You're a lover of the wild and a joker of the heart.
But are you mine?

[Chorus]
I wanna make you happy, I wanna make you feel alive,
Let me make you happy, I wanna make you feel alive at night,
I wanna make you happy,
If you're a good girl tonight.

Ps