The emotional bowl

Ah, Wednesday! Thank you for cradling me in your soft arms dear hump day. You are in the middle of the week regularly but this time you are at the end of my long and fun weekend come Friday! I can't wait to see you San Fran!

I went to our usual bowling Wednesday but right from the get-go, I had a sour taste in my mouth. I mean, is it really that hard to hold a door open for me? It slammed in my face unnoticed. Nice.

I bowled a 160 the first game. Second game I got 3 strikes in a row which completed my turkey win with a 175 score. I was happy about that.

On our car ride home, I told Jack that I didn't want to have a DTR (define the relationship) but I felt like we needed to have one.

"Are you getting what you want out of this relationship?"

"I was but I haven't been so much lately," he said.

"Why?"

"We haven't been hanging out as much I guess," he responded with.

"Well Jack, we just expected each other's company before- we never communicated about when we would hang out with each other. And now that has changed."

Now what has changed?...

I need someone more assertive. I feel like I am worth the fight and that's what hurts my feelings the most. Who will fight for me?

Jack's room mate, Andy has been acting childish towards me. He called me a flirt and fake. Hello?! Yes, everyone knows I am a flirt. Get over the fact that I didn't want to date you Andy. You tell me you are acting like a jerk towards me-grow up- you want to pollute your life with negative feelings. Sorry I wasn't into you. I am moving on.

I had a great talk with a lot of important people from my life. Bob. Kyle. Adam.

Their assertiveness surprises me. Not because of them but because of how easy it is when TWO people are both acting assertively- you get a lot more accomplished in the realm of intimate conversations.

I really feel like the group Bon Iver gets me lately. Ever feel that way about a certain band or a certain song at particular points in your life? This band gets me NOW.

Sorry for all of the fragmented bits. I just needed to get it out and write it down.

Amy xoxo

"Blindsided"

by Bon Iver

Back down, down to the downtown
Down to the lockdown...
Boards, nails lie around

I crouch like a crow
Contrast in the snow
For the agony I'd rather know

'Cause BLINDED
I am blindsided

Peek in
Into the peer in
I'm not really like this
I'm probably plightless

I come through the window
I'm crippled and slow
For the agony I'd rather know

'Cause BLINDED
I am blindsided

Would you really rush out?
Would you really rush out?
Would you really rush out for me now?
Would you really rush out
Would you really rush out for me now?
Would you really rush out for me now?
Would you really rush out for me now?
Would you really rush out
For me now?

Ooh, for me now
Ooh, for me now
Ooh, for me now

Taut line
Down to the shoreline
The end of a blood line
The moon is a cold light

There's a pull to the flow
My feet melt the snow
For the irony I'd rather know

'Cause blindsided
I was blindsided
Blinded
I was blindsided
Blinded
I was blindsided