How to destroy a relationship

I usually get what I want. Insert high school story here:

When I was in 10th grade, I wanted to go to the Homecoming dance with Michael Landis. He was a jock, handsome in some respects and I knew nothing about him except that he existed. My mind was fixed that I wanted to go to the dance with Michael Landis. Once my mind is fixed on something, even more so on someone, that is what I want and who I want and nothing else will do. I believed that whatever I wanted could be mine. And so, I went to the Homecoming dance with Michael Landis.

This has been my life. "If you want something bad enough, you'll find a way to get it." That has been a driving force for me for much of my life. The only guy I can think of that I never got the chance to explore a dating relationship with was Eddie Brown. Granted I was 14 and not old enough to date and by the time 16 came around, he was already in love with his wife to be. In a lot of ways I don't mind those circumstances given the fact that we were so young.

But now, the ugly truth of my life is apparent to me- that I find no sport in dating. I don't think playing with hearts is something I enjoy, but I do think it's something I do to a certain degree. There is no sport in something when it's easy. You can learn to enjoy what you have and what circumstances you are dealing with, but sometimes there is no pleasure in that process. I am sick of this dating process. I am sick of guys feeding me the line, "You are so beautiful." I GET IT, I am beautiful. It's not that I don't like hearing it, because I do when the moment is right. But I can see through the falsity. Don't try to make out with me and act like you had the upper hand. Because really, all I wanted was to conquer you and that's exactly what I did. Who was playing who?

Now you know my inner most thoughts about dating- love is a whole different topic open for discussion. There is no real sport in dating; I don't enjoy it like other participants do. It's because I feel like I make my own rules which means that I always win. When you're used to winning, losing feels like a bigger deal than it really is.

Amy xoxo

"Iron"

by Woodkid

Deep in the ocean, dead and cast away
Where innocence is burned, in flames
A million mile from home, I'm walking ahead
I'm frozen to the bones, I am...

A soldier on my own, I don't know the way
I'm riding up the heights of shame
I'm waiting for the call, the hand on the chest
I'm ready for the fight, and fate

The sound of iron shocks is stuck in my head,
The thunder of the drums dictates
The rhythm of the falls, the number of dead's
The rising of the horns, ahead

From the dawn of time to the end of days
I will have to run, away
I want to feel the pain and the bitter taste
Of the blood on my lips, again

This deadly burst of snow is burning my hands,
I'm frozen to the bones, I am
A million mile from home, I'm walking away
I can't remind your eyes, your face