Park house and undercover genius

Ugh! I woke up at 6:30 am to an annoying nightmare. I woke up crying. In my dream I was homeless and screaming. One of my girlfriends threw a penny at me and said, "You are dead to me!" I believe the reason I have these nightmares and dreams is to work through my conflicts. They aren't very pleasant at times, but most of the worthwhile pursuits in my life are difficult. Why is that? Why are the most satisfying and happy things in my life so hard to obtain? This is why I am such a grateful person. I appreciate what I have. Not all of the time, but my eyes are open. My eyes are open to a lot of things now.

A few weeks ago I awoke to a different dream. A dream of a pleasant nature greeted me this particular morning. There was light- a lot of light breaking through the trees around the perimeter of this open park. On the edge of the park was a gated mansion. The black rot iron gates were containing but permitting. Many people came and went, but they had to know the code. It was almost like a museum with the amount of people entering and exiting. How could this many people live in this one house? It was like a compound. It felt safe. And when I imagined living there due to the "For Rent" sign in the front, I imagined me, Lauren and her son Carter living there and we were happy... fast forward to November 7th, 2011, because 7 is my lucky number.

After a great day at work, I headed over to Bob's house for our second date. His assignment was mashed potatoes and vegetables and mine was chicken and dessert. I went to the grocery store after work and wouldn't you know it- they sold out of the whole chickens an hour earlier! I was at a loss for a split second and asked the meat guy, what am I supposed to do? Not like I was helpless or anything because I am smart enough to feed myself plus one other, but really?! You sold out of chickens on a Monday night? So I decided on the pieces of chicken they sell behind the murky glass cases- the kind of chicken that no one wants to eat. Ever. So I cave and decide that if I am going down, I am taking Bob with me. On my way to the ice cream section I spied some pre-cut fruit and if you know anything about me, you know I would eat fresh fruit with every meal. (Take notes, the way to my heart is through food first with boots following in at a close second). So I grabbed a medley of strawberries and blueberries. I love the word medley. Then in the ice cream section I decided to go the healthy way and I picked up Island Mango Sorbetto, whatever that is. Fancy sorbet it looks like.

As Bob gave me directions to his house I headed up a street I have never been to the top of. I slowly climbed the hill of our small community in my car and marveled in the awesomeness of never traveling this road before. Before I was within shouting distance of the gates I realized where I was. The park house. In my dream. Everything from the streets to the compound of houses were familiar to me. I dreamt about you! Even when I walked into the house- it emulated a museum like quality which was present in my dream. It does not matter why at the moment. All that needed to be revealed to me was the feeling of safety. I am ok with living in this moment and nothing else. I think that feeling of being safe comes with the space and also with the company. My date was surprisingly different from anything I have ever experienced before. There are many reasons and some of them I want to keep secure and secret for now. But I will share with you one...

A few days ago Adam told me maybe there is someone out there for me who can touch me in a way he cannot at this moment- someone who understands the art world which I belong to. It was quite suddenly after that conversation with Adam that Bob came into my life. Now I am not reading into this dream and this experience as some magical miracle. But I guess I should ask, why not dare to dream of something different? I could not have dreamt of this life for myself because I did not know it existed. Sometimes we dream because we cannot imagine what we are seeing in our heads at night in the daylight when we think our eyes are wide open. So which is it? Is reality the perceptions we conjure in the daylight when we think we are sponges to our every day surroundings or is our reality based a little in the dreams which are conjured in our sleeping minds- a little dark and mysterious and somewhat hopefully probing into our subconscious? Or course it can be a little of both because I don't necessarily like the one absolute over the other. Just something to think about. Or dream about. Or both.

Amy xoxo

"Call It What You Want"

by Foster the People

Call it what you want
Call it what you want
I said just call it what you want
Call it what you want

Yeah we're locked up in ideas
We like to label everything
Well I'm just gonna do here what I gotta do here
'Cause I gotta keep myself free
You're ducking and moving just to hide your bruises from all your enemies
And I'm in the crossfire dodging bullets from your expectancies

We've got nothing to lose
You better run and hide
Yeah you've crossed the line
I've got a knife behind my back (just sayin')
We've got nothing to prove
Your social guides give you swollen eyes
But what I've got can't be bought so you can just

Call it what you want
Call it what you want
I said just call it what you want
Call it what you want

You've taken your words and you take your judgments
And stick them onto everything
If it don't conform to what you were born into,
Then you run the other way
You say, "now what's your style and who do you listen to?" who cares?
Well that rat race ladder-climbing fake-face smile's got nothing on me

We've got nothing to lose
You better run and hide
Yeah you've crossed the line
I've got a knife behind my back (just sayin')
We've got nothing to prove
Your social guides give you swollen eyes
But what I've got can't be bought so you can just

Call it what you want
Call it what you want
I said just call it what you want
Call it what you want