The one in white

80th post- cool to know I've been writing that much. I slept pretty good, new sheets will do that for me. I love crawling into a bed with crisp, brand new washed sheets.

I bury it. I dig deep and I keep it safe so no one can see me. Who I really am. I wish I could write my inner most thoughts here. Do you understand? I want to write so you know I am human and I do things for my own self-interest. I want you to know me. Not that writing is an extremely accurate way to get to know me, but what is? Spoken or written, I am a little dramatic in both areas.

Bob picked me up at 9am and we went hiking. It was refreshing to do something active and out of my normal work, eat, sleep routine. We started up Ensign Peak and when we got to the top, out of breath I felt victorious. Who else was hiking on Thanksgiving morning? I was. With Bob. It was windy but I didn't mind. We made it.

Afterwards, we went back to Bob's house where we watched a bit of the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade while we both read different books of our choosing. I am was almost finished with Crossed, the book I am reading- about 100 pages left!

Then I left to have Thanksgiving at Adam's family's house. He totally felt sorry for me. It's not that I mind hospitality, but I mind people feeling sorry for me and I feel it's a feeling Adam has for me far too often. I can handle it though, because it's Adam. Everything he does, naughty or nice, transcends the barrier of conditional love. I think that's the most dangerous territory to be in (because feelings are at stake here), but I look on in amusement over the things he does sometimes and they don't phase me like they would with other people. I admit, that would be a tough situation for any guy wanting to date me to come in to. All I can say is, maybe this is me asking, am I worth the fight? The last guy bailed claiming I was, but sadly he lied to me and more so to himself. Not that I am trying to create any more drama then needs be, but when you think about it, life is one dramatic fight and finish on this beautiful journey to the end. Maybe I am merely channeling some of that energy?

I tackled many hurdles today. I saw Adam's family for the first time in many months. Of course it was wonderful- his family is nothing short of welcoming. And for my last trick... drum roll... I managed to get Adam to see Breaking Dawn!! And the best part is that he enjoyed himself. Maybe the movie was in poor taste for him, but he still enjoyed himself. And really, isn't that what matters?

I stayed over until 1130 because I had to finalize one last loose end- I had to finish my book. At the end the main character is strong, assertive and resilient. Even though this book was about a fight through the cavernous desert, this book was about my life. She survived and even exceeded her own expectations of what she thought was possible for herself. I too am making my own way and I am enjoying every moment I create.

Amy xoxo

"Anyone's Ghost"

by The National

Say you stayed at home
Alone with the flu
Find out from friends
That wasn't true
Go out at night with your headphones on, again
And walk through the Manhattan valleys of the dead

Didn't want to be your ghost
Didn't want to be anyone's ghost
Didn't want to be your ghost
Didn't want to be anyone's ghost

But I don't want anybody else
I don't want anybody else

You said I came close
As anyone's come
To live underwater
For more than a month
You said it was night inside my heart, it was
You said it should tear a kid apart, it does

Didn't want to be your ghost
Didn't want to be anyone's ghost
Didn't want to be your ghost
Didn't want to be anyone's ghost

But I don't want anybody else
I don't want anybody else
I don't want anybody else
I don't want anybody else

I had a hole in the middle where the lightning went through it
Told my friends not to worry
I had a hole in the middle someone's sideshow wouldn't do it
I told my friends not to worry

Didn't want to be your ghost
Didn't want to be anyone's ghost
Didn't want to be your ghost
Didn't want to be anyone's ghost

Ps I am thankful for my amazing life. My family, my friends, and all of my blessings. I hope you feel this is everything I write, everyday. It's never an afterthought.